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Exploring Poison
May 22, 2013
Flaming sensations
Like falling in love
Amidst vast poppy fields
With black mourning doves
The craving begins
Noose to your collar
Your favorite hemlock
Petals faint before Autumn
Soon snatched up by hawks
Wilting sears the skin
Black smoke is rising
The fields are afire
The warmth is inviting
Flames eat and retire
Back on needles again
Wake up and repeat
It’s the luxe carnivale
Festival of fixes
And it’s always in town
Your soul buys you bargains
Morning’s empty hands
Makes a nighttime beggar
When your harvest has rot
You become a leper
With nothing at the end
© Jeremy B., Austin, TX
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 12 comments.
WrenArrington said...
on May. 29 2013 at 4:04 am
This poem is so awesome that I got ticked when I saw that I wouldn't be the first one to comment! Really great flow and excellent word choice, and I liked the way your stanzas are divided.
Carpe-Caffeam GOLD said...
on May. 27 2013 at 3:53 pm
Wow. Beautifully written. I can actually relate to some of this. I love your choice of words throughout this powerful poem! Excellent work! :D Have a great day!
This one is probably easier because it's not free verse and it has actual structure ^-^ It is supposed to be applicable to anyone who has been self-destructive or prone to behaviors that prey on them. It really is meant to convey experimenting, everyone choosing their own hemlock or poison, and how the thrill of that first experimental rush is going to be overpowered by the darkness of whatever hole you're digging yourself into, but you're still blindl enjoying that high. Thank you for reading both the poems and bearing through their weird diction :)
Thank you! I do prefer poems that provoke thought and really make you strain to try and understand them, because I always appreciate poems more once I've fought mentally to figure out what the heck they're saying. That line always makes me think of a burning savannah, and then makes me think of destructive behaviors as a lion preying on you and then retiring to its home to lounge around with its full belly, picking its teeth. Thanks for the feedback :)
Wow thank you. I find it funny the last stanza is your favorite, as that is the darkest one. The poem is expressly supposed to be dark, but not frightening; It's about drugs and addictive/destructive behaviors, and that stage of wonder where you're still only exploring them lightly, but you don't realize how it will eventually take everything from you--when the excitement of something new, and in this case deadly, hasn't worn off and you're still in that dreamy first stage. Thanks for taking the time to read through this and comment :)
Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM said...
on May. 26 2013 at 11:00 pm
Can I just say that you have a really good knack for choosing the right words. Compared to your other poem, I really was able to follow this and understand it. I think that in a poem like this, it is open for interpretation and I got a dark sort of hopeless but like the title says experimental feel from this. Beautiful descriptions and stunning word choice. Overall great job! Keep rockin
I very much agree with all the things that Rebecca.xx said. I'm not going to lie, I did not understand the poem the first time through- but once I had read it a few times I started to glean more and more, and I feel like my confusion in the beginning contributed to my enjoyment in the end greatly. You definitely did pick a tricky topic to write about, but you executed it well. One line of yours that stuck out to me was "The flames eat and retire." I loved what you said here... simply perfect wording in that line! Great job on the poem all in all!
Rebecca.xx BRONZE said...
on May. 26 2013 at 5:43 pm
Very unique subject. You somehow managed to make the poem seem dark but not frightening. I have to agree with the last comment, the last stanza was by far my favorite- the title was great as well. I must say, you're an amazing writer! I can't believe how many editors choices you have. You were certainly blessed with a talent for writing, especially poetry! Great poem.
StarlitSunrise DIAMOND said...
on May. 25 2013 at 10:56 pm
This is such an interesting concept for a poem. I especially liked the last stanza and particularly the last line. It’s a very tricky topic, but you captured it quite well.
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