Having a first with you…
was
even more
delightful than the
moment when you finish
a book and you want to do nothing other than
reread it again and again and every time you read it it gets better
and better but not as life-changing as the first time because the first time you held me
overwhelmingly tight and your warmth and tenderness illuminated the real meaning of essence and life so that it felt like I was melting inside and not my heart melting because if anything it grew so full that all my emotions for you could stay safe in there and it made my toes and fingers tingle because the first time we felt true love was the day we first met which was indeed the best ‘first’ of them all and I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my days with your silky skin and golden, viciously, indulging voice that shined when you said I’m beautiful and it sounds tremendously self-centered like when people seek compliments by insulting their best qualities but you could repeat those words forever because you knew exactly how words were supposed to sound and those words echoed forever in my head and I hear your melodic tone and compliments for whenever I feel self conscious like when I used to stare at myself in the mirror practicing fake smiles that really mask my hidden tears and unspoken outlook on this terrible life without someone like you and the years we spent as best friends were awfully challenging but the day we admitted our love was beautiful even though it was pouring rain and those unearthly clouds that reminded me of the days we would stay inside and watch sappy love movies just because I wanted to and I always promised we could watch your movies next time but we never did and even though it was raining so hard I thought the ground would crumble, the day couldn’t have been more
marvelous but a first funeral was spent helplessly
without you glaring at the end of
a journey of two friends who
accidentally became
more.