No-one ever talked to me

as often as this.

No-one ever wanted to spend time with me

every second of the day.

No-one ever showed their care for me

at every opportunity they could.

I'm used to saying cheap,

empty "I love you"'s

out of obligation.

That became etiquette for me.

Talking online was natural;

it was the only time I was called cute.

It was the only time people showed interest.

I've spent a lifetime around distant affection

and words I didn't hold onto

because I knew in a week,

in a day,

in an hour.

I knew that this "love" was pretend.

Because I was bored

and the person on the other end

was just as bored.

I became used to this.

I didn't know anything more

and that was fine.

No kisses,

no hugs,

no like,

no love.

It was all the same.

It never changed

and that was okay for me.

Then you came along.

In the midst of all of these electric people,

you walked in.

And you're real.

You're so real.

I can touch you,

I can talk to you,

and I can tell you I love you

and mean it.

I've never done this before.

So now that it's summer time,

I get kind of happy

that you're not close to me sometimes.

It seldom makes me happy,

I assure you.

But when it does?

It's because I need a break

from all the new.

I sometimes need to dwell

within the silence of the old.

I need to take a break because

if you love me like a normal person

all the time

so early on,

I'll suffocate and die.

If I'm faced head-on

by something I'm not used to,

something that hasn't been lifelong routine

in heavy doses,

I'll get sick of it.

I'll ruin it

because I got uncomfortable with myself.

When we're together

and I can touch you,

I never want to let go.

But when we're apart

I don't remember,

I feel nothing at all.

I never told you about what happens

when I'm by myself.

How I can't remember faces

of people I've spent my life with,

can't remember my mother

or my father

or my brother,

how I can't remember you,

and how I can't remember the voices

I've listened to for years.

So I'm sorry

I can't tell you I miss you honsetly

and I'm sorry

that I don't mind when you're not by my side.

I wish I did

but I never learned to do that.
I wish I wasn't so comfortable

with the empty routine of never speaking to anyone

or making a sound.

I wish I wasn't fine with being lonely

and surrounded by my own silence.

And I hope to the gods

that one day

I can spend every second

of the rest of my life with you

without getting tired of the noise

of not being alone anymore.