I work in the kids' department at Indigo

my past times during dead shifts have become reading children's novels

most recently I have become infatuated by

‘The Day The Crayons Quit’ by Drew Daywalt

the premise of the book is just that of the title

Duncan is the main character.

His crayons write him angry letters in complaint to his treatment of them.

Red crayon is overworked; he doesn’t even get a break on Christmas.

Yellow and orange crayon are fighting over who is the true color of the sun.

White crayon feels underappreciated and peach crayon?

(Well peach crayon is embarrassed because Duncan ripped his wrapping off and he’s been naked for weeks!)

When I read this story I cannot help but think of the silenced voices of my body parts

I cannot help but think of what they would say to me if they could

I imagine it would sound like this.

From:

Your stomach

please eat.

I know you like the feeling of being hungry-

the satisfaction of self destructive tendencies

the addiction to the empty pulsing

but the more you pull at me when you are down

the less of me there is for when you are better

I am trying so hard to keep you alive

and I am tired of working against you

From:

Your nose

I know about your savings account for a nose job

I also know you avoid having people see your side profile

as if you can keep my size a secret

I don’t know how to stop your compulsive thoughts

And the way they eat at you

Eat at you

Eat at you

Until you are nothing but a distorted funhouse mirror image

Falling deep into the lonely loud echoes of voice screaming the same vicious stream of comments-

Ana I am sorry.

but I have been doing my job

fulfilling my only purpose

which is helping you smell things your whole life

what more do you want?

I often forget that my body is just that

a body

a vessel for this soul

and this spirit

to transcend into this reality

for a short period of beautiful time

I have placed too many unattainable expectations upon its fragile frames

I let myself become a byproduct of insecurity and self destruction

and you became my collateral damage

I am sorry

for watching you fade in front of me

and doing nothing

I am sorry for losing so much weight I stopped getting my period

I am sorry for wanting to change you so bad I forgot to appreciate what you were giving

what you have always been giving

I am sorry

for making you believe there was anything wrong with you to start with

I am so sorry.

There is a sequel to ‘The Day the Crayons Quit’

it is called

‘The Day the Crayons Came Home’

and the premise of the book is just that of the title

the crayons forgive Duncan

and they return to him

battered and bruised

but hopeful

I hope to one day write the poem

‘The day my body came home’

and the premise of the poem will be just that of the title.