i know a girl loving a guy isn’t “revolutionary” 

like we live in this awful, heteronormative world

and it’s expected that a girl should love a guy

but honestly, i’ve been so sad for so long

i watch my dad come home and expect dinner to be waiting

and then over dinner he tells my mom and i that our opinions are wrong

that we’re “emotional” and “hormonal” and “overdramatic”

oh and the best is when he calls me “defensive” whenever he says i’m “too depressing to be around. smile maybe” 

when i’m actually pretty content and not feeling sad at all

like what goes through his mind? telling me i’m depressed and then asking me to smile. what kind of logic is that? 

and then there’s that boy who i kept going back to

the one who didn’t actually care about how my day was going or if i was in the mood to talk 

the one who didn’t actually acknowledge the fact that he’s turned into the type of insufferable boy who he swore he would never be

the type that uses pretty girls for his own enjoyment 

that’s the only reason why he replies to my texts as soon as possible, to see if i’m “in the mood”

because i’m “pretty”

and i’ve been so sad for so long because of this

because i can’t trust men

they’ll either try and silence me or exploit my body for pleasure 

i really don’t have the ability to trust men

but i really am in love with one right now

and he doesn’t shut me up when i tell him what bothers me

in fact, he fixes the problem without question

even if i am “emotional” or “hormonal” or “overdramatic” about it

he doesn’t ask me to send pictures i’m uncomfortable with

in fact, he gives the sweetest, most innocent compliments i have ever received 

even when i look pretty and we both miss each other more than anything

i know a straight relationship like ours isn’t brave in any way

and i know we don’t face any real prejudice when we say “i love you” to the world

but the fact that a guy like him exists

and a girl like me who has a hard time trusting men actually loves him

is a little bit revolutionary to me