I caught you weeping
gray dismay
in between breaking and falling apart
(Why did you do that?)

but the tears didn’t quite
reach your eyes.

I watched as you swallowed those
wildfire pills
(Who did you get them from?)

and vomited back
manic sparks
dripping down your chin
and burning holes into your
sleeveless dress.

(I know why.)

I saw you take that
tissue paper blade
(Did you make it?)

to your skin
and watched the acrylic blood
as it stained the floor.
(I wish I could paint like you.)

The other day
I saw you
when you thought you were alone
and you looked into the mirror

and you smiled.

That broken
failing
triumphant smile.

In that moment, I shattered into a million pieces.
(But we both know why, don’t we?)