i’d rather lose someone

than use someone

well,

what if that someone

would lose themselves if they

lost you.

what if i lost myself

by losing them

what if using them is better for

everyone.

it’s not just to use someone

it’s because deep down

down

under the surface

i care for them.

it’s just

i care for someone else too

a desire burning

so strongly

possibility that the flame is larger

for someone else

makes me ache.

it's so scandalous

so horrific

but i love both of them

i love you

and i love you.

but it doesn’t matter

because i don’t matter

it will never matter.

it shouldn’t feel so untouchable

so vulnerable

like you’re hurting both

compensating for another

killing all of you

double.