i’d rather lose someone

than use someone

well,

what if that someone

would lose themselves if they

lost you.

what if you lost yourself

by losing them

what if using them is better for

everyone.

it’s not just to use someone

it’s because deep down

down

under the surface

you care for them.

it’s just

you care for someone else too

a desire burning

for someone else

it makes me ache.

it's so scandalous

so horrific

but i love both of them

i love you

and i love you.

it shouldn’t feel so bad

like you’re hurting both

compensating for another

killing all of you.

but it doesn’t matter

because i don’t matter

it will never matter.