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Inside Depression's Mind
Are you okay?
Yeah, I’m fine.
I just feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and that everyone hates me and I really want to die.
But am I okay?
Yeah, I’m alright.
I joke about being suicidal to make it seem less real.
I think I do this because I don’t want to feel.
How was your day?
Amazing!
I woke up and didn’t get out of bed for a few minutes, because, no, no, no, I’m still alive?!
Next, I put on my makeup, hoping to hide every blemish, hoping to look like that gorgeous model I saw in that magazine, hoping to live up to the standards of being pretty.
Walk downstairs, “Wow, your makeup looks good”
“Thanks!”
Food? I’ll take a banana and orange juice so I don’t look fat.
“How are you feeling?” I give you a lie. I say I’m happy even though I just want to cry. I add a smile I’ve practiced in the mirror the night before.
Go to my classes, get below a one hundred percent-I’m a failure.
Gym: I can’t run as fast as him, I can’t play as fast as her.
But how was my day?
Oh, amazing!
Look at me. What do you see? You see a girl with hopes and dreams? The only dreams I have are those that come to me when I’m asleep.
I have dreams to be an actress, but I’ve already got that covered. I mean, look at me, acting every day on this stage called life.
Call me a fool, but I’m fooling you.
My smile’s so forced you should see right through.
But that was yesterday.
And this is today:
Are you okay?
Yeah, I’m great. I feel like I’m walking on air and I know I am loved and I finally want to live.
So, I am great.
I look at the scars on my arm and I say
These show the battles I’ve fought and the dragons I had to slay
How was your day?
Lovely!
I got out of bed and thanked God for letting me live another day.
I then smiled in the mirror, noticing that I’m beautiful just the way I am.
Walk downstairs and get my favorite sugary cereal because you know what? I deserve a treat.
“how are you feeling?” I tell you happy and this time I don’t even have to fake a smile.
Go to my classes and I get an 80% and that’s okay, because I tried my best.
Gym: I can’t run like him but I made sure I did my best.
Overall, my day was pretty good.
The girl you see before you is a survivor.
Some days are lower while some days are higher.
I might’ve messed up sometimes in the past
But that’s the past and I’m moving on to the future.
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