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I Am a Man
From the beginning we are taught the significance of strength.
To hold your head up high and just get by.
No room to feel and accept the lows,
Because you are the rock
That stops the river’s flow.
“Be a man,” they say
The toughest survive
“Suck it up, take the hit”
That’s how you thrive.
“Vulnerability isn’t your friend
Men never overextend.
You are a protector not a protectee.”
But how can I protect you,
When I can't even protect me?
A replay button embedded in my brain,
Reliving the seconds I froze in shame.
Confused and empty,
Out of control,
You take and take, until I am no longer whole.
But as they say, I am a man.
Stable, emotionless, strong.
They always tell me what’s right
But never ask, “what’s wrong.”
How can my harm bring another satisfaction,
While their pleasure leaves me stuck in a train reaction?
But dare I express
This darkness in my chest.
They said I’d be less of a man,
And that, I am not willing to confess.
My strength defined weakness in the midst of need,
I am that one in six
Who they told to not speak.
A single moment dominating my every twitch and thought
Became the ruler of this battle,
I've fought and fought.
I've been taken advantage of, manipulated and used.
I am physically and mentally bruised.
I am done fighting this pit inside,
And hearing the slurs that beat down my pride.
I am not feminine, gay or weak
My story is one of thousands and I will speak.
I am human
I feel, hurt, and cry
I am a victim
And I have survived.
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From the very start little boys are taught to be strong and to build up walls that tend to never come down. They are expected to never cry, never feel, never hurt, and any sign against that is perceived as “feminine” or “gay”. Without consciousness, we all contribute to this toxic masculinity and tend to forget that men are human too. They have real stories and real experiences that they feel would be belittled if shared. Talking about men who have been sexually assaulted or harassed is taboo in our society. We hear women share countless stories and see organizations coming together for women and their experiences with sexual assault yet neglect the other 10%. We never talk about the one in six males that will experience sexual assault. Terry Crews is one of the first males with a platform to come forward with a sexual assault story. Everyone was shocked. We thought, “How can this strong, black, man be a victim?” When the real question should be, why do we limit victims to one gender? Why can’t we as a society accept that men aren’t brick walls? Why was this the first time I thought about men being sexually assualted? You reading this, have the power to change these social norms and eliminate toxic masculinity. You have power in everything you say, tweet, post, and do. Raise your little boys and encourage the men in your life to feel what they’re feeling and express their emotions, because if not, how will they ever truely be heard? We have to ask ourselves, how can you expect someone to be vulnerable, when we never allow it?