I Carry | Teen Ink

I Carry

May 23, 2019
By Lindsey Farrell BRONZE, Olympia, Washington
Lindsey Farrell BRONZE, Olympia, Washington
3 articles 0 photos 0 comments

I carry an emptiness flooded with space

No one can see it but I feel the pain

I see people happy, laughing, wanting

But I don't want I need

Stability, laughter, freedom

Things that have been left behind

A war I fight with myself but my weapons never work

Fighting to fill the emptiness drains me even more

Consumed by hatred for my own skin

I try to fit in

Fighting fighting fighting where to I begin

I change my clothes, my hair, my complection

Trying desperately to hide from the enemy

But she finds me and labels me an imposter

Stripped of my disguise I am left

Naked and exposed they see the truth

That I am broken, worn out, and used

My personality drained and replaced

I carry an emptiness flooded with space

No one can see it but I feel the pain

Beating me down until there is nothing left

I crawl into a hole like some unwanted pest

I cry out for help but my words don’t make sense

Instead of “help me” the words what come out are

“I’m happy”


The author's comments:

A lot of teens struggle to "fit in" and end up changing themselves over time. They fight with themselves thinking thoughts of self harm and suicide. They hide their emotions by dressing a certain way and they say that they're ok when in reality they're screaming out for help. This piece symbolizes my story. Bullying, fighting myself, trying to fit in, screaming out for help when no one but me seemed to understand what was happening. I felt unwanted and I needed help but I had no idea how to express that to someone on the outside looking in. Depression is different for everyone. This is just one story.


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