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Floccinaucinihilipilification (Look it up) MAG
Your smile is an explosion in me.
You hear the clicking of the keyboard
and it is every single one of my heartbeats.
Who's to know that you make me so happy?
Your oblivious disposition is a murder in me.
You back out of my driveway
and wonder if the tires leave a mark.
They always leave a mark.
Who's to know that thinking of you makes me cry?
Your face makes me feel things
that I didn't even know I could feel.
Intense depression,
concentration,
overwhelming anxiety,
and happiness like there's a carnival in my heart.
Who's to know.
I write down these words
and they have no meaning.
I've been here for hours
staring at my pen
because all my precious words are missing.
The words I have are:
useless,
depressing,
ungrateful,
and messy.
This is all your fault,
Miss Breathtaking Gorgeous.
With each of your breaths
you insensitively
plow me into the ground.
And I am helpless.
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This article has 11 comments.
the title really drew my attn, and it really cool
I think that your topic is a good one, but some of your individual lines can be strengthened. Instead of writing "miss breathtakingly gorgeous," for example, you could describe the woman's face, and explain what aspect of it makes you upset. Also, I'm not sure what you meant when you said, "is a murder in me?"
Furthermore, instead of simply blaming the woman when you wrote, "this is all your fault," you could give graphic details describing your face to show the reader that you are blaming the woman - compare your face to hers, for example, or explain how her words leave you heartbroken, and describe your face after listening toher biting words. Those are just a few style differences, though.
I particularly liked your comparison of her words to tire tracks. Great job! :D
I'd love if you took a look at my poetry. Thanks!
0 articles 0 photos 13 comments
that stuck out to me the most, because I feel the exact same way.