I resent You. You love me more than anything and I resent you for that.

I could be dreaming.

Instead, I’m destined to trudge my track until nature’s claim so I can’t be blamed for leaving you because I won’t have had the luxury of choice.

I dream of trains every night. Fast trains that sweep me away and bash these thoughts out of me.

I dream of knives to split them in half, to cut into my shell and let them trickle out.

I dream of being on top of the world, amidst the clouds and the fog and the mist, and then suddenly being at the very bottom again, my thoughts spread around me on the stone surface, breathing, and they can stop crashing into each other, kicking and screaming.

I wish for my arteries to snap shut and for the blood to stop flowing.

I want to mount his boat and never stop rowing, not until it crunches against sand on the other side.

I want to do all these things without care or worry. But I can’t, because You’re there and You love me. And I resent You for it every day.