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Innocent Objects
A paper clip is innocent
A paper clip has an efficient use
A paper clip binds things so you may not lose them
A paper clip sits innocently at the edge of the desk in a office that is open from 9 to 5
Here
A paper clip rests inside my thin plastic mattress
Here
A paper clip never sees the sun
Here
A paper clip glistens in the artificial light that is shining on what looks like a pitiful attempt at release that drew two drops of blood.
Here
A paper clip lies abandoned in a bag labeled confiscated.
Soap is innocent
Soap has pure intention
Soap wipes away the grime of a long day of labor in the mud
Soap lays at the edge of a tub filled with water and lavender oils
Here
Soap is kept in a closet that requires key access
Here
Soap is swallowed in an attempt to make a statement
You drove me mad
Fitted sheets are innocent
Fitted sheets cling to a crib to protect a baby from the irritation that a plastic mattress might cause
Fitted sheets are torn away from the mattress in the throws of love and passion
Here
There are no fitted sheets
We sleep on plastic that rustles with every twist and turn.
Here
We Sleep on plastic that collects our tears in pools
A Radio in innocent
A radio brings music to a household
A radio picks up signals from the music station and feeds them to teens that taste freedom in every breath.
Here
A radio sits in a carefully calculated corner that picks up stations that play the same songs on a loop. The loop seems to meld with endless thoughts of how we want it to be over.
A radio blasts static as the antenna is removed but at least the white noise surpasses the screams of children begging for something that is constantly dangled in front of their face and ripped away.
Here
Innocent objects will never be innocent
just as the patients will never be seen as innocent
We were brought into this world for good intention but we have been bent to others wills
We were a means to an end
We were tools others used to hide their own pain
Now we turn innocent objects into something to hide ours.

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This poem is about my experience in locked psych units and hospitals. I met some of the most diverse and interesting people in hospitals. I can remember all of them. Something I noticed is that all of us have been used by other people. We were seen as just an object to help dull other’s pain. We would let many people take advantage of us, at first we did it because we felt empathy for those people, we cared for those people. After we were dragged deeper into a spiral of drugs and sex we didn’t care how we got our release so when we let people use us it wasn’t because we felt sympathy it was because we felt we deserved it.
We used other people for our own uses the same way people used us. Once we went into hospitals we either realized that was wrong or we just kept doing it. I think even if we did know it was wrong we had to hold onto something, we had to hold onto someone. We all had someone we latched onto, we held on and we didn’t dare let go. It's a cycle honestly and well the hospital was supposed to stop the cycle, it only fueled it.
There was a girl there. She was gorgeous and she was hurting. We went on an off unit and I think she had just broken up with her boyfriend or something. She was upset and she was looking for something to dull the pain. I was conveniently there for her. We made out in the girls locker room at the YMCA (pretty cliche spot for your first lesbian kiss) and things only went a little further before I pulled away. That instance is an example of the cycle of innocent objects being used. I was okay with it, I still am okay with it. We are okay with being used because we are so familiar with it.
There will be more instances where I will write about my time in the hospital. I experienced a lot of important moments of my life inside that hospital. I don’t know how to end this. This was my life for a while and it will always be a part of it.