In Love With The Sky

(To my classmate who passed away on July 18th, 2019)

It’s been a long time,

but when I close my eyes,

it seems you left only yesterday.

I didn’t talk to you much,

All I remember is a boy silent and shy,

Sitting in the corner,

Staring at the sky.

They said you were a weirdo,

Father left and depression struck,

Until that final exam hit you,

I saw the tiny light in your eyes went off,

Never thought that was the last time I saw your eyes.

How I wish to tell you,

I stood alone by your seat,

a week after your death,

Wondering would you be back and stare at the sky.

can’t deal with pressure and too fragile they said,

don’t know how lucky you already are with no worry for food and clothes,

I just don’t understand,

why even sorrow is treated with irony,

why even despair need to be graded,

How I wish to tell you,

We all struggle to grow up,

About the competitive high school,

about bullying on and off line,

about seeing no way to get out of the total darkness,

about no one understanding and caring about you instead of your grade,

but you are not alone.

How I wish to tell you,

One day we will live in an educational system,

where a fish is no longer forced to climb a tree,

where they see that each one of us has different strength, different need, different gift, and different dream,

not as grade A meat,

where education is to arouse another soul,

where they tell us for even once,

that we have done a good job.

How I wish to tell you,

You are already so brave,

facing those pain and abyss alone,

I can’t tell you to be strong,

When I haven’t suffer what you suffered.

How I wish to tell you,

we all care about you,

and miss you,

so much,

There are so many incredible things in this world,

waiting for us to discover,

But your life paused in that summer,

And I just wish you were here,

So that I could show you all that’s beautiful.

How I wish to tell you,

After you are gone,

So many haven’t changed,

24 teens in Shanghai suicided last month,

They went away alone,

In cold nights like you did.

How I wish to tell you,

I want to be your light,

So that you will not be lost in starless night,

I want to hug you tight,

So that you won’t let go and would fight.

How I wish to tell you,

I will never forget that boy who liked to stare at the sky，

Who eventually become our sky，

Quiet and shy，

whose soul clean like the azure sky.

How I wish to tell you,

I feel guilty to let you go,

I feel powerless of words,

I feel tired to hide behind metaphors,

I feel hurt to see the sun.

So I will live with your share all my life,

Share with you my happiness and sorrow,

Hope and struggle,

And feel you by my side.

How I wish to tell you,

I am still in love with the sky.