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Holidays
You’re one of those uncles who never come around
But here you are un-announced
And so god d*mn loud,
You just shout the news you’ve found
And leave.
My stomach twists and turns, tumbling, threatening to bring up my dinner.
I feel my eyes widen like a deer in headlights,
I am so d*mn frightened.
And it’s raining inside
But the rain is warm and
When it hits my lips I realize it’s not rain at all.
Everything is blurry and it’s hard to breathe
I collapse to my knees
And I clean.
I scrub as if making the dishes, the counters and the walls sparkle will make everything better…
He’ll come home where he belongs, for Thanksgiving and for Christmas.
We’ll joke and laugh so hard we cry
And maybe then he won’t want to die.
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This poem is about the day I found out one of my uncles was going through a lot, in another state. The uncle who came through the door shouted the news and left is an uncle who never really comes around whereas the one in another state used to live in Wisconsin with most of us. My uncle, in Washington, tried to kill himself November 16th 2021. I wrote the poem on November 17th 2021 when I was at school and it was the only thing on my mind.