Saturday Night Sirens | Teen Ink

Saturday Night Sirens

February 16, 2022
By valentinealeigh GOLD, Royal Oak, Michigan
valentinealeigh GOLD, Royal Oak, Michigan
17 articles 0 photos 1 comment

I’ve got my girl, I’ve got my drugs

Do me a favor and save yourself first, love

You shouldn’t mix uppers and downers

I learned that last weekend when the pounding in my head was in rhythm with the dull thud in my chest 

Do you know the name of that song that played from the living room while we held onto the couch?

It hasn’t come to me but i heard the birds sing it this morning in a hungover haze

If you love something, give it away


I’ve got my girl, I ain’t got no money

Unless you count the thirty dollars in my bedside drawer

Saved up for the paper that burns on my tongue

The shapes and colors tell me to be someone

If it’s bitter, it’s a spitter

That’s what they told us all

But this thing we’ve got going glows even in my weakest bone

If you love something, let it go


I’m doing lines in that bathroom with the door that no longer shuts

He said that someone broke it apart last month

It’s a haunting reminder of how these things can go so south

Pointing that compass to where I’m still forbidden to go

This is the soundtrack for a winter of bloodshot eyes and all the sweat in my bed

I can't get this festering thing out of my head

If you love something, bury it dead


Will it be like in the movies?

Will they play the music loud?

Will the television buzz sing me to sleep

Or will we be nowhere in the now

I made out with a ghost

I made love to a memory

You’re plastered, my pupils are as big as the moon

I found a liquid cure for my lake Michigan blues

And she still loves me, even in the dead of winter

I couldn’t let this go even if I wanted to

I shot myself in the mirror but the bullets only shattered the glass

If you love something, let this pass


This thing eats away at your willingness to behave

The sour smell of rotted flesh and broken hearts fill the room

It seeps outside and slips on the driveway on the way out

The clothes all over my floor now have a few pieces of yours

You’d think after all these years I’d learn to clean up after myself

But tidiness gets me nowhere, it’s only on the outside

Cleaning myself up won’t make me brand new

If you love something, let it consume you


I’ve got my girl, I’ve got my drugs

But she doesn’t know about all of the fun that I have after midnight just down the road

I’ll find you a way out of your head if you just stay the night

The moon lays low over this old radio

Your smile is hazy and the boys are fighting outside

Our friend passed out in the bathtub about half an hour ago

Enough is enough

Trace the constellations on my neck

If you love someone, keep smoking to death


The author's comments:

Visit https://www.teenink.com/HealthResources if you or a loved one is struggling with addiction. 

 

Self destruction begins to feel like home after time. Its habitual, comforting, and no matter how far you spiral, it feels safe because it is the devil you know. When someone who doesn't constantly self sabotage enters your life, it can feel like an invasion despite their good intentions. You can't stop doing what you're doing, and you don't even want to, but the idea of hurting them with your behavior, or worse, influencing them with your behavior, is haunting. How do you find balance? Do you get clean and indulge in a healthy, honest relationship, or do you hide the reality from them?


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