“Dear Father”

My mom told me you went 

away 

She never got to the part 

For how long it´ll be

She told me I would understand when 

           I got older 

Now that I'm older 

I still don't understand 

                  why you left

My mother tries to tell me while choking up, 

           I just don’t want to listen,

     so I get up and leave 

Only because thinking of you

   just makes me look so

  foolish  &  weak

I hardly remember your face 

You only visit me 

“When you  have the time of the day”

When mom tries to talk to me about you

 I just look down and walk away 

All this pain and anger built up inside 

To never getting that fatherly love 

And doing what other daughters and fathers do

I wanted that 

As a young kid

father you’re one of my hardest fears 

I´m very afraid to face it

Even though I got lots on my mind you're 

                my number one on the list of 

       My Thoughts. 

I wish I could remove it with time 

             that's gone to waste

You gave a young girl lots of insecurities 

They say a

“father should be a girl's first love” 

But instead you were 

my first heartbreak 

After many broken 

promises

Making me have multiple 

trust issues 

when it comes to loving somebody

Had me thinking I wasn’t worthy of being loved by 

       anyone

Made me feel stuck

 in 

     this 

tiny 

         hole 

   of  

         fears 

     I surrounded myself in 

Was it because I looked like you? 

                      And you couldn’t bear that I was 

      your twin 

As everyone states 

Every first-born daughter is a version of her father 

All I ever wanted was my dad to be my protector 

    of

                            what 

                   was 

                                      coming 

                         towards 

                me.