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Beginning After the End
Things went downhill
so, I'm back
here, enclosed
in this white
room
Again.
An empty
space of white
locked inside myself
with a black
door ahead of me
I’m drawn to that door,
though I know I can't be lured
because it’s despair
that lies behind the exit
I know.
I’ve tried to run and escape,
from this prison
in myself,
But each time new terrors
await me, outside
that door.
This is not heaven, not hell
This is the place I run back
to like a coward, to hide
even though it isn’t much better
than going beyond the door
The stifling air suffocates
me, my surroundings noiseless
and dead
The silence so silent
that my ears ring
with excruciating pain.
Even so,
fear drives me back
into the shell of my prison
to wait so when my self
permits me to leave,
despair won’t put a chain
on me, won’t control
my life inside my consciousness
where fear is my jailor
I’m incarcerated
within my shell
of self-protection,
Yet my inner self longs to be free.
There is a battle within me,
between freedom and fear
A never-ending cycle
of hope
And despair
I’m not ready to face the world
That beckons beyond that door.
When will my outer self let me go free?
It could take years, but I'll still wait for a
Beginning after the end.
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In “Beginning After the End,” a person struggles with a lot of anxiety, so they imprison their identity inside their consciousness. However, there is a battle within them, between freedom and fear, a never-ending cycle of hope and despair. The first readthrough may be confusing, as everyone feels different levels of anxiety in different ways, but I pulled a lot of truths from my own emotions when I feel anxiety, which is one reason why I wrote it in first person.