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I'll still Hang On
Every day
Looking at those shoes, bustling
along the corridor. With each step,
They echo qualms in my ears
Trapped in that horde of obnoxious
voices, locking myself in a closet of darkness
Over and over again getting tortured,
by the mirrored version
of myself, my polar opposite
My mirror going mad, hurling
a demented choir swirling
through my head in a hurricane
of chaos, pathetic, coward, two-faced
the choir echoes round.
“How was your day?” My mom calls out,
“Just fine!” I reply
keeping that poker face alive.
All I can do is watch through the seams
of the doors I put in front of myself
Watching noble extroverts hold their popularity high
forming an unspoken hierarchy
and I, a commoner, lowly and invisible
During the day, fatigue reigns
By nightfall, insomnia blooms
By dawn, it wilts
The thick film of darkness glued onto my eyes remains
Immersed in hate
drowned in self-loathing
The horror of being lonely
but preferring solitude
I’m hanging by a thread
All I have to do is let go
But every day,
I'll still hang on
Looking at those shoes.
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I've always been an extreme introvert with social anxiety, but that doesn't mean I don't like talking. People always just assume that I don't. Sometimes people think I have a split personality because they don't know what I usually act like at home or when I'm with someone I'm comfortable with and because they assume and think that way, I hate talking to people because they always end up hating me. I wrote this poem about how I feel every day at school and I hope it will find others that feel the same way.