I cannot change. | Teen Ink

I cannot change.

September 9, 2022
By thrashmusician BRONZE, Paragould, Arkansas
thrashmusician BRONZE, Paragould, Arkansas
4 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
“It's Always about the music, never about anything else”<br /> -Eddie Van Halen


The difference between you and I 

Is that you can change what people think you are

You can change your personality to fit the people around you 

You can mold into a form just like theirs, 

like some twisted kind of clay

But I cannot afford such a luxury 

Stuck in my own mind, my own thoughts are struggling for air, 

Drowning in a deep sea of words

And yet strangling me at the same time

When I try to speak, it is not the same as when you do 

You speak with authority and antagonization, 

You speak down to me

Like I am dirt

I am not your dirt to walk on

When I do the same thing to defend myself against you, 

I am ridiculed for the way I call you out

It’s not just that that I struggle with

You can change yourself for the people around 

But I will always know the scum that you are

The way you belittle me for my autism

Something that I would kill to get rid of

You think I’m inferior solely because of a disorder that I cannot change

I cannot change the way I speak

I cannot change the odd ways in which I do things

I cannot change the way I am sometimes forgetful

I don't know how to be ‘normal’ 

I cannot be your normal

I will not change for you

I am not normal

I don't have the luxury of being able minded and so called “perfect”

Say what you want to your friends, who are as lowly as you

Those same friends that tell me your every word

How you slander me behind your back 

 You will never know what it’s like to be trapped in your own mind

Not knowing what you’re doing wrong

Not knowing what you’re saying is atypical

Not knowing that in everything you do people are watching and laughing 

Solely for the manner in which you do them 

I don't know what to do 

You won’t listen

Your moronic friends won’t listen

The world won’t listen to a so called “r*tard” 

Even when they’re simply sharing their testimony on how they feel

I hate being autistic

I don't want this

I don't want to experience the world differently

I want so badly to be normal

The same thing you harass me for not being

You suck up attention like a fat leech, thirsting on sweet blood

Without this attention, you shrivel and die, making it crucial for your life

Funny how you’ll harass me for being autistic

When that same kid you called “r*tarded” is smarter than you’ll ever be

I hope you all go straight to Hell.


The author's comments:

This piece is very close to my heart, because it's about how I'm constantly bullied and made fun of for being autistic, mostly behind my back. 


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