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I cannot change.
The difference between you and I
Is that you can change what people think you are
You can change your personality to fit the people around you
You can mold into a form just like theirs,
like some twisted kind of clay
But I cannot afford such a luxury
Stuck in my own mind, my own thoughts are struggling for air,
Drowning in a deep sea of words
And yet strangling me at the same time
When I try to speak, it is not the same as when you do
You speak with authority and antagonization,
You speak down to me
Like I am dirt
I am not your dirt to walk on
When I do the same thing to defend myself against you,
I am ridiculed for the way I call you out
It’s not just that that I struggle with
You can change yourself for the people around
But I will always know the scum that you are
The way you belittle me for my autism
Something that I would kill to get rid of
You think I’m inferior solely because of a disorder that I cannot change
I cannot change the way I speak
I cannot change the odd ways in which I do things
I cannot change the way I am sometimes forgetful
I don't know how to be ‘normal’
I cannot be your normal
I will not change for you
I am not normal
I don't have the luxury of being able minded and so called “perfect”
Say what you want to your friends, who are as lowly as you
Those same friends that tell me your every word
How you slander me behind your back
You will never know what it’s like to be trapped in your own mind
Not knowing what you’re doing wrong
Not knowing what you’re saying is atypical
Not knowing that in everything you do people are watching and laughing
Solely for the manner in which you do them
I don't know what to do
You won’t listen
Your moronic friends won’t listen
The world won’t listen to a so called “r*tard”
Even when they’re simply sharing their testimony on how they feel
I hate being autistic
I don't want this
I don't want to experience the world differently
I want so badly to be normal
The same thing you harass me for not being
You suck up attention like a fat leech, thirsting on sweet blood
Without this attention, you shrivel and die, making it crucial for your life
Funny how you’ll harass me for being autistic
When that same kid you called “r*tarded” is smarter than you’ll ever be
I hope you all go straight to Hell.
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This piece is very close to my heart, because it's about how I'm constantly bullied and made fun of for being autistic, mostly behind my back.