I had never known emotion so potent
as that of this utter existential dread.
My feelings always seemed so irrelevant
In the cacophony of desolation.
 
I write words as a way to cope
With this feeling of indescribable loss
Because every time I find something
Of moderate substance it drifts away
 
My heart learned to shut down my emotions
From quite an early age was I in pain
I had no emotions as the tears ran down
My flushed face and my trembling hands
 
My heart was gone when I couldn’t breathe
Due to a suffocating panic that
Overwhelmed my senses
With it’s tempting releases
 
All my soul required was a release
Of any type or kind
By ripping and slashing with words
And nails scraping at flesh of mine
 
My emotions were gone when I met her
Until she grabbed my hand and coaxed them
Until they were alight and beautiful again
She led my light into the darkest parts
 
She held me close until it was too much
And I couldn’t breathe due to the emotion
Overwhelming in it intensity
And the crushing weight of its meaning
 
I was bathed in pain until she released
My neck from that lovely grasp
But I could still feel the warmth of the
Scars she wrought upon my skin
 
She moved on without realizing
That I was in pain suffocating
And kneeling before my own reflection
Not understanding what to do next
 
 
 
 
She didn’t intend to bring pain
But she never brought it
She took it out of the inside
 until it was visible
 
I’m left to myself
Mending my wounds
Waiting for someone
Who never comes
 
My emotions used to be
Hidden and closed
But there is no more
Shutting them off
 
They flowing like a fall
And they float like a cloud
And they sink like a ship
And they live like a heart