The Preamble

In other news besides the weather

Two great necromancers have joined together

With plans to spread terror so wide

That there’d be no place on earth to hide

Atrocities deemed to be hiding dim

Famine and drought among the grim

Such torment will fill history

But they prefer a mystery

Posing as two nice boys down wrong paths

But still with evil laughs

They without mercy

Welcome you on a Strange Journey!

The Beginning

Of Achilles:

Unleashed and never ceased

Ripped from the cord, destined to feast

It was like Zeus kicked off his release

Achilles never knew any peace

Typical and cynical, sure

Whilst hated gods brought plagues and war

And Hades summoned shades that carried blades

Cursed and dated, in serrated parades

Achilles, surrounded and alone

Pulled a hilt out of a stone

The Quick Steel, and old sword

Long ignored, but now a sweet reward

Monsters with glizzies packing heat

Arrived in the dismal city street

Most would leave and concede defeat

Yet for Achilles, he’d compete

No grave was made to fit his stature

No opponent would survive his dagger

Like Mercury, the beasts were deadly

But now they were deceased, just like Freddie.

The Lightning Mother

The Lightning Mother’s back from hell

With a flashing blunderbuss and special spells

Lightning never struck twice before

But now it’s at the door once more

With seven heads and eleven eyes

She shoots Heaven’s lead, leveling guys

A thunderous zap, and boom it goes

Damage levels, nobody knows

Achilles, ready to make some monsters pay

Had a lightning lady to slay

Our hero looked around, somewhat stressed

Steadied himself, then ran into the chest

Of the thunder, and fell low

But thought, “Some fine lips, though”

“To wine and dine would be fine”

“Enough to feel beyond divine”

He acted quickly, greeted neatly

And attacked sweetly - “I think she likes me”

Lightning never spiced up in the past

But brightening now, love moving fast

With a wondrous clap and a bell

The Lightning Mother’s back to tell

A generous, grand, smothering quell

Seven heads, eleven eyes well

Accompanying both of these:

Heaven’s head, and lucky Achilles.

King Ghidora

King G, never one to back down

Lest he was just clowning around

How did Achilles, skinny, skinny, weak

Shimmy into Lightning’s fine meats?

King G, all of his sights were set

Ahead, to smite a threat

An informant, provider of information

Told him this morning of Achilles’ location

So Ghidora set up his rifle for a quick shot

Then, “Lightning, what’s up? You’re looking hot”

Exciting, with swagger and strut,

Prepared to provide a fresh cut

...

Quit it, go and get it

Grit it, lay low and set it

It’s dawn already, where he at?

“Darn, my hair be…”  POW! Splat.

King G’s head now set on spikes

One more mighty has fallen, yikes

The Dreaded Magnificent

All written on the path ahead:

“Beware! It is the Beast of Dread!

Don’t come yonder; you should leave instead”

But Achilles won’t break a sweat

No monster will remain a threat

An old man stood out in the rain

Suggesting to “Hold man, restrain

And refrain, or sustain great pain!”

Advice taken

Achilles, slightly shaken

But all of a sudden, a surprise

Something that might be our hero’s demise

“I’m the Magnificent! Deflowerer of innocents!

The sole flowering omnipotent!

You stand no chance!

I command: do not advance!

You misunderstand, leave or I-I’ll

I’ve got business to tend to for a while!”

The Bistro

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the

Styx Bistro Bed, Breakfast Bar, and Grill

Cafe Lounge, with views over our lovely river

Where we offer you the finest of the finer things,

No coinage needed, free of charge,

For the rest of your eternity here.

Entertainment, live, we’ve got Prince G-Dora,

No, not his greaseball dad,

And a final gig from The Eye before he gets called up

We’d like to congratulate Lightning on her recent engagement,

And promote Morpheus’ new special, straight from the River Lethe

Just lay back and have a good time

And remember to praise Death

The Big Bad All-Seeing Eye of Darkness and Sin

I’m the darkest pain, a real Sauron,

Mind sucking till you’re a moron,

More on the side, yes pretty please,

I need hot memories and cheese

Warring on the normal people

My forces excessively lethal

My methods completely illegal

They can only cry: “How evil!”

At least that’s what they opt to say

Before they give their blunt “okay”

For a “Bomb’s away!” What do you say,

No need to fight, okay?

Go with the flow, more than a sway

It’s done now, let's just walk away…

Morpheus, the God of the Snooze

Drunk on the Lethe

Late to work and fast asleep

Forgetting the past and doing it fast

No one knows how long his nap’ll last

Oh, sleep and dreams, or so it seems

Is where he loves to flex his seams

Our hero will just tip-toe around

Until the god became aroused

“Behold, it is Ol’ Morpheus!

I am slick, notorious

Consistently so glorious

My battles are -hic-

victorious… ’ness…”

Death, the God of ... Death

Approaching the elaborate throne

Through a long path of varied stones

Great bones lay littered and thrown

Bleached by winds and dusty cyclones

“Achilles, we meet, finally

I’m your ultimate enemy.

A noble fight has been destined

Neither of us leaves untested.”

Swords unsheathed, clinking on the tiles

A fiery rage, roars ring for miles

Fatal spear after fatal strike,

Faster than mortal eyes, alike

“Ugh, close, Achilles! Truly,

An equal force to battle me!

This is our final stand and pose

Can you outlast my hands and blows?”

A most climactic brave exchange

Neither prepared to lose their range

Both stood firm, afraid to be tamed,

But finally, the true death came.

The Totally Witty Meta-Critic

Har har, but I’m the Metal Cricket

Rupturing your rhymes like a hydrolysate

You’re an amateur, you’ll need a janitor

Or at least an examiner to clean this up

It feels like a catheter

Is this supposed to be a parody?

I am frightened by your vulgarity.

Your Beginning is dimming, not sticking

And your Lightning certainly ain't clicking,

Safe to say, King G’s a little different,

But the whole thing feels “Magnificent”!

Hm, a B at best. Ha! Joking, I jest!

To say with respect, as an iron-clad insect,

This is the worst thing I’ve ever seen before

Call Morpheus, I need to sip some more

River Lethe to let my mind run free

And when it does, you’ll see the way it’s ‘posed to be.