cold panic

it’s everywhere, every vein, every pore

it fills me

everywhere and nowhere

all at once but none at all

it’s quiet, i think water dropped somewhere

is that breathing?

it’s not me, i’m not breathing

i am as still as the picture on the television

was i watching that?

why am i scared?

who’s there?

is it me? is someone in my house?

why am i panicking? 

look there’s soda, i’ll have some

wait, do i drink soda?

i think i’m diabetic

i can’t have this

too late, it’s down my throat

it needs to be gone, get it out

my fingers are in my throat, pushing and probing

nothing is happening

i can’t feel

where am i?

who’s there?

it’s just me

but i’m me, so who are you?

you look like me

but i don’t smile like that, and your eyes are too wide

who are you?

there’s pain, and blooms of red, i think i’ve been stabbed

seems right i probably deserved that, i don’t remember

looks like my place will be taken

by her

my doppelganger

i’m fine with that

she looks the part, and seems the part

she is me

she forgot i’m-we’re diabetic though

seems like even doppelgangers are not perfect

the soda was hers 

i’m on the ground now, she's standing staring at me 

there’s wind, the door’s open

didn’t the radio say to keep the door shut

and locked?

don’t look outside, they said

don’t look at it

don't let it see you

i think it saw me

i don’t see it anymore

i’m swimming

it’s dark

and cold

maybe it was a dream

yeah 

just a bad dream

i’ll sleep now

it’ll be fixed in the morning

i forgot to take my sleeping meds

i couldn’t find them, that's why i was watching TV

i think she found them

she used them

on me

in that drink, why couldn’t i drink it again?

maybe she knows

i hope she plays me well

i’m tired.