I have a confession

I am in love with the smartest boy in my science class

my enemy

my arch nemesis

our quiet rivalry surges

as out hands shoot upward

when our teacher asks a question

and we fight for a place on the podium

of our classroom games

and he makes off-hand complements  

that make my heart stutter

but he doesn’t think of me when he goes home

he doesn’t think’she would know how to do this’

when he does his math homework

and he doesn’t watch the boys track practice from the lacrosse field like i do

as i turn my head from the ground ball drills

and watch hime jump the high jump

watch im fly

watch him raise the bar

higher and higher

until iif I jumpe to rech it I woud jut brely graze it with my fingernails

I have a confession

I do not know i I m in love with the smrtet boy in my science clss

or if I m in ove with the idea of being loved

not out of obligation

or pity

or  even pure dmiration 

but being loved even if the bar is knocked down when I try to jump.