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claw marks
I'm glad you're happy now
I hope it stays that way
I'm glad I'm happy too -
glad that I no longer write poems
about the taste of little red pills
stuck on my tongue and
sloshing in my stomach
glad that waking up
no longer feels as if I'm returning
to the grave
But through it all,
I never thought
happiness cost so much
didn't know that what saves
is the same as what breaks
through it all,
I always thought things would never change
I never thought
I'd say goodbye
But chewed nails and Band-Aids
But sidewalk chalk and ashes
all these things I worshipped
are leaking gas into my lungs
I couldn't know then
what I know now
that I'd have to kill
what kept me alive
It wasn't safe to stay
A burnt child loves the fire
and it was warm enough to save
and you'll never know
how I begged to stay
you can blame
these cut ties on me
you can hate,
I won't blame you
But through it all,
I still miss the pain
through it all,
I'm fighting every day
I didn't know
happiness cost so much
But through it all,
at least now I'm safe
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