5-232 the girl I used to be | Teen Ink

5-232 the girl I used to be

August 1, 2023
By bugjuicepoetry ELITE, Fort Wayne, Indiana
bugjuicepoetry ELITE, Fort Wayne, Indiana
223 articles 28 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I was born very far from where I'm supposed to be. So, I guess I'm on my way home."


I used to know a girl
filled with anger and hatred
I used to know a girl
filled with hurt -
against the world
                  her home
                          her God

I used to know a girl
alone in that church pew
and weighed down like atlas
and she'll never understand
why your altar gave her splinters
and she'll never understand
why your timing left her
        so
            so
                so
                      alone for so long

cause she swears that she knows
that your timing is perfect
and she swears that she knows
that you're always right
But she can't understand
if you're all powerful and knowing
she can't understand
if you're loving and perfect
what was the reason and
what was the point
Why did you abandon her
if she's never alone
and she can see you there now
but she never could then
and the fire around her
was burning within
and she wasn't on fire -
she was just burnt
she wasn't in love -
she was just hurt

So if the church is your bride,
why was she left at the altar
and sure you came back
and she's forever indebted for that
but she can't understand
why the waiting
why the longing
why the soul-eating emptiness
the battle in her eyes
and the mold in her lungs
She's at home in her body
and she can breathe through her lungs
But for so long, she couldn't
so why the valley,
so why the chasm,
why do we suffer and why do we hurt
why can't you just whisper it away
like the waves and the wind
cause she knows you can

and she doesn't understand,
maybe never will,
she'll just have to trust
in your timing,
in your grace
and even when you leave her
broken and alone
she cries at the altar
until you lead her back home
alone in her sorrow
dead and ashamed
she'll stay on her knees
until you find her again


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