People act like they know me

In reality, they don’t

They cover up who I really am with lies

The truth is hidden behind a mask of rumors

And because of this, very few talk to me

Who would want to be friends with someone

Someone so “horrible?” As they might say

Really though,

When I was little, in preschool and kindergarten

 I got bullied

I switched schools in third grade

I was known as the new girl

Life got easier as I made new friends

But it got flipped upside down again

My sister died in fifth grade

It was unexpected, and my life changed forever

I lost many friends

My mom became an alcoholic

The pandemic started

I was depressed

I went into middle school

I made new friends

I didn’t know how to act around these new friends

My social skills weren’t the best

I was suicidal

But despite it all, I tried

I tried my hardest, but was it enough?

No, it wasn’t. I always had to change for them

Something was always wrong with me

They would never really tell me what though

I had to figure it out myself

I felt crazy, but I soon found out

They weren’t my friends

Eventually, I made new friends

But for some reason, I went back to the old ones

Maybe something is wrong with me?

I graduated middle school

I stopped talking to my old friends

We drifted apart

Things changed again

I started high school

I made new friends

But of course, new problems arose

I made mistakes like any human would

I gossiped about some girls

One of my friends called me a “red flag”

I apologized over and over but it was never enough

No matter how many times I tried

They wouldn’t accept me

In return, they gossiped about me

They treated me like an alien

And again, I became suicidal

These are the same people who say

“Mental health matters!”

But why do they treat me like this

Why won’t they forgive me

For a mistake I made nearly a year ago?

People don’t know me

They can act like it

But I know myself the best

All I can do is love myself

I can’t rely on others for happiness

What will happen when they turn their backs on me?

I have to love myself if no one else will