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What flavor [of tea] would you like tonight, Dad?
the strained elbows
underneath the unforgiving debt
tremble with vigor—
a core memory of guilt.
yet, he does it for me,
for my future,
for everything selfless of him.
he does it for the gaping wounds beneath our soles;
he does it to afloat his entire world.
the white and blue porcelain teacups clash against one another,
picked up by pieces of a family that never crossed.
shaking with invigoration is the dainty hands of a young girl,
eager to be in the eyes of her father.
yet, shaking with fear and quivering with uncertainty,
as she picks up her teacup—wondering “is this okay?”
unforgiven is the little girl who lays awake,
wondering if she could ever repay her debt.
she lays awake with a profound depression
pressurizing her heart,
and she lays awake hoping
the stillness of the world would absolve her of guilt
when the clock struck half past ten—
the time her father’s thirteen hour shift ends.
one half’s crave to soothe the pain exacerbates demanding action;
yet, the other half cramps in pain and unable to stand for what’s right
without sacrificing herself—
a self created from her father’s sacrifices
and she wouldn’t dare to betray.
to rid of her father’s pain means betrayal
to the efforts he made all those years,
so she honors him through what he gave her:
education.
I will make you proud.
The memories, stories, and feelings from every perspective
of an unforgiven life has never been lost on me;
I will never forgive myself if I let myself disappoint
everything you’ve ever given me, Father.
I will make you proud, beyond all stars.
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If this resonates with you, I hope we can all find a way to forgive ourselves. The path will never be clearly black and white, and it will be blurry. But as long as we try our hardest with good intentions, that’s really the most we can ever do. Asking for more and exhausting yourself is not what they sacrificed for. Just try your best in everything :)