Somehow this time hurts worse than the last

We rolled down the hill, and fell apart fast. 

I think the worst part of it all, 

Is I’m not even angry, even over the call.

And maybe that’s the worst part, is that I want to be

I want to be mad at you- mad at you for leaving me.

I know you went about it wrong,

You said we were fine as you pulled me along.

Perhaps we pushed it all too fast

But still i cant put our love in the past.

In overly trusting I'm extremely skilled

You tore apart the future that we worked so hard to build.

Maybe we were meant to end

But I’m not ok and I can’t pretend.

Maybe I fell in love too young

But I can't help how my feelings sprung.

And it hurts, it hurts so bad

And every time they ask me I don't want to say I'm sad.

I want to smile and say I’m fine

But they can see through my little white lies.

They say that I need to move on

And that you were no good

But no matter how hard I try

I can’t agree I should.

And maybe it was the bad goodbye

And how you left me crying.

But you would never know that,

when I spent the phone call lying.

I told you it was all ok, and that I understand.

But the second that it ended, the phone dropped from my hand.

As I sank to the floor crying with my hand over my mouth, 

I tried to pull myself together, trying not to make a sound.

Kirsten picked me up from off the ground and walked me to the door,

Even though I looked ridiculous, I know that much I’m sure.

I knew it was coming, I had felt it for weeks

But it never felt more real than with tears rolling down my cheeks.

I knew that you were letting go,

But the end was coming painfully slow.

And the part that I can’t bear the most?

Is that to six months we got so close.

I’m waiting for this year to start,

But I don’t want to see you with my still broken heart.

It’s not the ending that makes it hard,

It's seeing you and knowing that you still have my heart.

I don’t have you anymore, at least I think I don’t.

You said lets just be friends for now.

So maybe we’ll come back to this, even though I don’t know how.

And I know that I still want you back, 

To feel your hand in mine.

To go back to how it was,

With our fingers intertwined.

I still have the box you made, 

Filled with all the things you gave.

It’s still one of my favorite gifts, 

But now when I see it, I don’t want to deal with it.

I still have the flowers out, sitting on my dresser,

But I can’t seem to put them away even though they’re a big stressor.

Maybe because they remind me of you, and everything I feel.

Because that was something big for me, learning love is real.

They still make me sad sometimes, but I think that that’s ok,

Because I think somehow it’s sadder, putting them away.

I’m okay to leave everything out, 

Because somehow it seems to make me proud.

Proud of just how far of come,

Learning to love, and learning to lose.

Of course they’re both hard, because they’re both about you.

But they still bring me comfort knowing once I was happy.

Even though now, it may seem a little sappy.

So if this is our last goodbye, I hope you know you’re loved

And that if this really is the end, then I’m proud to be able to call you a friend.