I count the hairline cracks in my ceiling,

One two three,

I count each strangled breath that I take,

Four, five, six,

I count every passionate thump of my heart,

Seven, eight, nine,

I count every fleeting blink of my eyes,

Ten, eleven, twelve,

I count my fingers on my left hand compared to my right,

Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen,

I count the creases on my shirt that the iron failed to find,

Eighteen, nineteen, twenty,

I count the rings around the lights,

Twenty one, twenty two, twenty three.

Twenty three.

I’ve been counting the seconds,

The days,

The months,

The years,

The cracks and the breaths and the thumps and the fingers and the creases and the rings,

After you left my life in a matter of

One,

Day,

I’ve always been

Counting,

But for some reason,

I can always only

Count,

To

Twenty three.