its like you lost something
you wanted to lose for
so long
only to realize
that now
when you can’t find it anymore
its all you need
its all you want
that dumb line about
being careful for what you wish for
is drumming itself out in your head
but it still feels
dumb because
you didn’t just wish to lose it
you begged
prayed
desperately wanted to
lose it
every night
when you weren’t sleeping
you sat there
wondering why it couldn’t go away
why your mind could only
forever and always
come back to it
why couldn’t it get lost in some
far off corner
where other things stay
dusty and unvisited
congratulations
it happened
it scuttled away
when you weren’t watching
to the back corner
but God
which corner was it
you just had to know
why had you wanted to lose it
sure it hurt
but wasn’t hurting better than
nothing
if you could feel it
at least it meant it had happened
it, of course,
is a person
a person you wanted to forget
because they haunted you
like the ghost they had become
and it hurt so much to remember them
because they didn’t feel like a memory at all
please
you begged, prayed, wanted
at night
just let me forget him
for forever and always
and now you can’t see his face right
it has blurred all along the lines
and it makes you sick to your stomach
those blurry lines
make you feel like your heart might break
but dammit if you haven’t lost that too
you wanted to forget
and now you have
but you need it back

i need it back
i need the memories
if nothing else

please.