Can I get out yet
Or is this goin to go on forever
One bad thing after another
It hurts me
A gun pointed at my head
I am sure im going to be dead
It wont stop ever
It gets harder every day
School is a pain
People are getting on my last nerve
All I can do is hope
I work out a lot
I do it until I hurt
I wish I can be happy like everyone else
But im not
I don’t like many people at my school
I have been called stupid and dumm
By my family
That hurts also
They do it because what I have done
They don’t know me
They think they do
But they don’t
They try to tell me what my problems are
But there wrong
It seems like they pay attention on what I do wrong
Never what I do right
They don’t understand
I say yes to them so I don’t get in trouble for saying what I know
They think I lie all the time
I don’t
I lie by saying yes
They make me say yes
I have to agree with them
But in my head I don’t
I get in trouble for joking around
Im in pain
But they don’t see
My mom does and 2 of my aunts
But that’s it
Its sad when I watch my sisters have fun
Im to scared to walk down my street
I hate my school
I hate the people in my school
I hate a lot of things
But most of all I hate where I live
Its really sucks for me right now
I always ask why does this happen to me
I never get an answer
It makes me really mad
Its seems like its been forever now
It never leaves
I wish for everything would go back to normal
But no that will never happen
I cry myself to sleep almost every night
Seeing people happy hurts me
They have smile on there face
But I don’t
Because im not
I want to be happy
How can I be
I have tried to kill myself so many times its not funny
I don’t do it to be cool or popular
I do it cuz I don’t wana live through this
But im done with that
It doesn’t help
It makes everything worse
I have 2 reasons I stoped
1 for someone I love
2 it wont help me
But mostly for the 1st one
People are surprised on what I go through daily
Some people think I’m lieing
Im not
I am truthful
I don’t care if they think im lieing
Cuz I no im not
That’s good enough for me
I write to get my troubles out
Sometimes it helps
People think I have good thoughts
There very wrong
If you ever got to see what I think
You would never look at me the same
You would be scared of me
I no what I can do
You don’t
I have done some really bad things in fights
I have put so many people in the hospital when I was younger
Just imagine now
I have more muscle and I am taller and bigger
But still skinny
If I got into a fight now I would almost kill someone
That’s why I stoped fighting
I don’t want to kill
I want to be the good one in my family
But it seems its not working
Since I haven’t actually got into a fight at my school
People think im weak and coward
Im not
I just don’t want to kill them
Only a few know how hard I hit
Because they felt me hit them before
They got on my bad side
They never messed with me again
I can handle physical pain anytime
But mentally sort of
It just depends what happens
I aint goin to tell
Cuz then that will show my weaknesses
Im not scared of barley anything
People tease me all the time
Over time I learned to handle that