Snake Bite. | Teen Ink

Snake Bite.

July 6, 2010
By Nikiblue PLATINUM, Bloomfield Hills, Michigan
Nikiblue PLATINUM, Bloomfield Hills, Michigan
20 articles 0 photos 137 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Stupid Is As Stupid Does.&quot; -Forest Gump (;<br /> &quot;No one who achieves success does so without the help of others. The wise and confident acknowledge this help with gratitude.&quot;


Your smile’s fake,
Your wide lips are poison.
Shivers run,
When they touch my skin.
Cool lips of toxic love,
Caressing my innocence.
A viper you are,
You kill with your bite.
I am that victim,
The small mouse in the fight.
Your sick words,
They’re all lies.
How could I trust you,
When all you do is betray?
Fangs of words rip my flesh,
I scream in agony,
But you do not listen;
Wrapped up in those scales,
inflamed with venom.
The deadly vowels hiss off your tongue,
Condemnable and cruel.
I cry and scream,
But you coo lavish love,
Silencing my wails to fear.
I whisper in an inaudible tear,
“Baby, don’t hurt me, no more.”



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This article has 7 comments.


alex198 said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 11:12 am
alex198, |, Other
0 articles 0 photos 113 comments

This was a really great metaphor and there was excellent word choice throughout the poem as well as a good use of poetic techniques like the alliteration used in the phrase "lavish love". Overall this poem was extremely well written with a lot of vivid description and excellent wording. I really enjoyed it. Well done!

 


on Apr. 23 2011 at 9:15 am
musicprincess PLATINUM, Braselton, Georgia
23 articles 0 photos 84 comments

Favorite Quote:
They say that love is forever, your forever is all that I need

This is excellent :) I really got some imagery in there and your description is great. I can definitely relate to this.

on Apr. 4 2011 at 8:02 pm
Zaylie PLATINUM, Everett, Washington
24 articles 13 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;It&#039;s not the kind, the kind you take about it&#039;s just the kind that rips the clothing off your mind.&quot; -Flyleaf <br /> &quot;You feet in the air, Your head on the ground Try this trick and spin it yeah Your head will colapse when there&#039;s nothing it in.&quot;-Pixies

five. I love the flow.  and the ending. "Baby, don't hurt me, no more."

-Zaylie


magnesart said...
on Mar. 13 2011 at 2:41 pm
magnesart, DPO, Other
0 articles 3 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;They leave things behind sometimes, the guests. A crumpled handkerchief. A pearl button that fell off a dress and rolled under a bed. And sometimes they leave other sorts of things. Things you can&#039;t see. A sigh trapped in a corner. Memories tangled in the curtains. A sob fluttering against the windowpane like a bird that flew in and can&#039;t get out. I can feel these things. They dart and crouch and whisper.&quot;<br /> -- A Northern Light

Absolutely fantastic imagery + diction.

"Cool lips of toxic love", "fangs of words rip my flesh", "coo lavish love" -- it's been a long time since I've read a poem w/ that scale of vividity. The snake references remind me a bit of the beginning in Nabokov's Lolita: where the narrator and his childhood sweetheart have a clandestine meeting in the garden, and she takes a "sibilant intake of breath."

Great work! 5/5


on Nov. 15 2010 at 10:38 am
thestorycritic GOLD, Hyderabad, Other
12 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live life King Size

Wow! :) This is really really good!

Amiee said...
on Aug. 19 2010 at 10:26 pm

wowowow  O_o real good~~~

you describe it soo realistically and your choice of words are just perfect!


on Aug. 3 2010 at 10:18 am
Pitiful_Anonymous PLATINUM, New Cumberland, West Virginia
22 articles 0 photos 75 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;and all you f***ers go beep beep beep in cheap,plastic cars. If It&#039;s to dumb to see or say you&#039;ll still sing it, and I&#039;ll just cue the applause&quot; - Marilyn Manson

:O  LOVELOVEWLOVELOVE!

 

So emotional and truthful! I don't give out five stars often, but you definitely deserve it! Great writing! :)