I'm sorry Daddy,
I messed up again.
I know it's too late to apologize,
Since you're yelling at me now.
But I deserve it.
While you yell,
I stand here silent.
There isn't anything I can do.
A lump is forming in my throat.
But I don't cry.
I can't cry,
It just angers you more.
The moment you look away,
I wipe my eyes on my hoodie.
You ask if I have,
Anything to say.
I keep silent,
There's nothing I can say.
I can't say "sorry",
It means nothing anymore.
I can't say "I'll try harder",
I've broken that promise too many times.
So I stand there silent,
And you stand there angry.
After I look at the ground,
You stomp away.
No "good night",
No "I love you",
Our night ends just like that.
Once I'm sure you're gone,
I let the tears run free.
I struggle to keep my sobs quiet,
Or else you may hear me.
I know I screwed up again.
All you've ever done,
Is give me all I want and more.
You feed me,
You clothe me,
You give me a roof over my head.
I just take it all for granted.
As my tears start to slow,
I think of how to apologize.
There's nothing I can do,
To regain your trust after I broke so many promises.
But what can I say?
I'm only a teenager,
I'm lazy and disrespectful.
I ignore you and blow you off.
I'm inconsiderate to your schedule.
But also as a teenager,
I should be mature.
I should be trustworthy and respectful.
I should be a young adult,
One who can keep their promises.
I only have myself to blame for making you mad.
As all these thoughts flow through my mind,
I look at the clock.
It's eleven thirty,
I realize how tired I am.
I climb the stairs.
Just before I enter my room,
I look down the hall to yours.
You're probably asleep.
I wonder if I should come in,
And say good night.
I don't ponder long,
It's not a good idea.
I walk into my room,
I lay on my bed.
As I feel sleep creeping closer,
I think of how you stomped away.
How we didn't say "good night",
How we didn't say "I love you".
Tears form in my eyes again.
Good night,
I love you Daddy.
I'm sorry.