In the time allotted,
I have planned a lifetime.
But I never planned for shared glances
across the room at a crowded house party,
my red cup brimming with courage and tasting like pink lemonade.
I never planned for drunken introductions
cursed slurs,
blurry visions,
sideways jokes,
painted toe nails,
all wrapped up into a neat little package called promise.
I could barely plan for the next morning.
I didn’t plan for you to call within the three-day times span
and take me by surprise like compassion from a misanthrope.
I never planned for 160 characters of my emotions spilt
with every push of the ‘Send’ button.
I never planned for the guilt, the regret, the misunderstandings.
For the opinions of others to matter more than my own.
Or for the diamond-shaped tears shed over the picture of two in-love people with arms around one another’s waists;
smiling because you’d stopped thinking of me for once.
I didn’t plan for redemption.
Who does?
I didn’t plan for the fragments of our past to filter back together.
For a few jokes to patch up broken promises and give us a foundation to fight for.
I never planned for you to wear the wine-colored vest with your tux.
I didn’t plan for the slow songs and half smiles,
with my arms draped around your neck.
I never planned for the car ride home with the windows down,
blowing through the blinking traffic lights
and not feeling the shallow intimidation from the silence.
I never planned for you to drive one-handed
just so you could lace your fingers with mine.
I didn’t plan for you to kiss me on your black bed spread.
I didn’t plan to enjoy it. Or to kiss you in return.
Nor did I plan for you to console my insecurities, and for comfort to spread
throughout all of my body,
from my ears, down my spine, to the tips of my toes;
all for you to lay your eyes upon.
I never planned for a shared night’s sleep in white sheets,
with breath mingling in the morning.
Or for two separate rooftops, staring at one single skyline,
sharing one frame of mind. Certainty.
I never thought that you would become commonplace in my daily life,
more solid and secure than any concrete foundation or skeleton of steel.
You fell right into the cadence of my beating heart.
I never thought we’d return to the speckled floor,
drowning in waves and disguised by darkness,
to let you kiss my face in the room where Fate made its greatest mistake.
In the time allotted,
I didn’t plan for any of this.
I didn’t plan for mind to meet matter.
For passion to trump pessimism.
I didn’t plan to feel this way for you.
In the time allotted,
I have lived a lifetime.