when I was little
my parents would tell me
that
they wanted me from the beginning
that they made the decision
before they could have changed their minds
that there was never any second-guessing
that
they wanted to drop out
and wanted to live in that apartment
wanted to get married
with me as the flower girl
that they had planed it all along
and then
that the divorce was right for them
it was nobodies fault
and now they joke
I was their best mistake
the only good one
out of so many
mistakes, I mean
ant that the word 'bastard' means nothing
marriage is nothing but a piece of paper
and God doesn't care
but there is a difference
between choosing not to kill something
and wanting it there from the start
I was just an accident
a lucky-for-me accident