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Death in a Bottle [revised]

February 6, 2011
By alanacarlene DIAMOND, Mexia, Texas
More by this author
alanacarlene DIAMOND, Mexia, Texas
55 articles 15 photos 592 comments

Favorite Quote:
Silence screams too honestly and loudly.<br /> -Alex (aka GangstaEyes)<br /> Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two equals four.<br /> -Winston Smith &#039;1984&#039;<br /> Don&#039;t go wishin&#039; your life away...<br /> -Daddy S2<br /> &quot;What a drag it was to be limited by reality.&quot;

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Drinking his gluttony, lies, and fate,
Consuming all that liquid of hate.
Despair, tears, and bruises surround him.
Drinking away his pain, he numbs them.
Turning his feelings to fake, over his life it’ll take.

Running away from all of his problems,
He picks his poison to sing his anthem.
Misery, scars, and anger devour him.
Drinking away his aches, he numbs them.
Nearing that last breath; nearing the Valley of Death.

To his seat all the way he wobbled,
Pushing the gas full throttle.
Memories – a burnt family tree – flash before him.
He drank away his hurts to deaden them,
Until he went full throttle.

Until he finished his Death in a bottle.

© Peter M., Marblehead, MA

The author's comments:
I edited my first "Death in a Bottle" poem and I like this one a lot better and I hope you do too.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 4 comments.

alanacarlene DIAMOND said...
on Jun. 13 2011 at 2:48 pm
alanacarlene DIAMOND, Mexia, Texas
55 articles 15 photos 592 comments

Favorite Quote:
Silence screams too honestly and loudly.<br /> -Alex (aka GangstaEyes)<br /> Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two equals four.<br /> -Winston Smith &#039;1984&#039;<br /> Don&#039;t go wishin&#039; your life away...<br /> -Daddy S2<br /> &quot;What a drag it was to be limited by reality.&quot;

View profile
Thank you :)
jamesacolson PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 1 2011 at 10:10 am
jamesacolson PLATINUM, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
22 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, Courage to change the things i can, and Wisdom to know the difference. &quot;<br /> <br /> &quot;Crying doesn&#039;t indicate that you&#039;re weak; Since birth it has been a sign that you are alive.&quot;

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awsome job i like the way you described death  diddo
alanacarlene DIAMOND said...
on Feb. 27 2011 at 12:42 pm
alanacarlene DIAMOND, Mexia, Texas
55 articles 15 photos 592 comments

Favorite Quote:
Silence screams too honestly and loudly.<br /> -Alex (aka GangstaEyes)<br /> Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two equals four.<br /> -Winston Smith &#039;1984&#039;<br /> Don&#039;t go wishin&#039; your life away...<br /> -Daddy S2<br /> &quot;What a drag it was to be limited by reality.&quot;

View profile
Yeah someone commented on the original death in a bottle about the rhyme scheme and stuff and how they thought i should revise it so I thought well it wouldn't hurt to see what itd sound like it i did so one day when i was bored i rewrote it! lol and yes i'll check em out right now! Thank you!
Alcanno DIAMOND said...
on Feb. 25 2011 at 1:17 pm
Alcanno DIAMOND, Mexia, Texas
59 articles 0 photos 670 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If you love life, don&#039;t waste time, for time is what life is<br /> made up of.&quot;<br /> <br /> -- Bruce Lee

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Hmmm. I like this a lot! It has a different feel from the original, but I can't decide which I like more! They're both great though :) This rhyme scheme seems to be more organized? But the other is like chaotic and beautiful, which fits the subject matter... I dunno, AMAZING job on both :D

A couple of mine got published (one is a Limerick called Rocker Guy that is REALLY stupid but funny (they're probably not supposed to be THAT dumb, but oh well XD)) and the other is called Swirling Words and Reaching Hands. I'd really like to know what you think of that one.... Read it and comment please then I can tell you what happened cuz I'm sure you'll ask. :/