speak

“Don’t speak

don’t say a word

none of us care.”



i am marissa

i am quiet,

awkward,

stupid,

annoying,

ugly,

i am me.

me:

me:

me:

i am you... just defeated.

You: speaker

Her: teller

Him: explainer

me:



Do you see anything else?

Ask me.

Tell me.

Please,

please,

hear me.

i am screaming inside

can you tell?

do you care?

You’re killing me,

i’m dying

and it’s all your fault.



i have a story you know

a long ,

secret,

painful , story

a million reasons

for everything you hate about me.

i probably wouldn’t answer if you asked

but I wish you would try.

Please,

please

try.



i feel your glares,

your comments.

They hibernate in the darkness,

hooded and innocent

waiting

to pierce my skin.



Wait.

i’ll do it for you.

i'll bleed

i need to bleed.

i’m drowning in scars

blood

pain

it’s my punishment

i deserve it

or at least I think i do...

am i really

quiet,

awkward,

stupid,

annoying,

ugly,

just because you say so?

i must be.



“Don’t speak

don’t say a word

no one cares”



Believe me

I won’t.





Speak

“Say something

anything

you have voice

you have a lot to say

I believe in you

in this

in us

I love you”



me:

me:

me:



You: It’s ok, I’m not leaving.



Do you want to hear a story?



it’s a long

and secret

and painful story

but I want to tell you.

Somehow I will,

it’s hard

but I will

I hate talking

but I will.

I don’t want to be silent forever.

I don’t want to bleed anymore.



I know what you’d say

you’d say

none of it is my fault

this pain

this fear

You'd say I don't deserve it

and honestly

I'm not sure i do anymore.



I hate talking but

I’m trying



You: Do you want to tell me your story?



me:

Me: I don’t care

me:

Me: I don’t know

me:

Me: Do you want me to?

Me: maybe but…

Me: I’m scared

Me…

ME: Yes.

listen.

hold me.

I’m about to crack my shell.

"Say something

anything

you have voice

you have a lot to say

I believe in you

in this

in us

I love you.”

I'm passing it on.