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Enhance Me
April 13, 2011
Take apart my DNA,
and put it back together,
however you want,
change me,
rearrange me,
make me superior,
enhance me,
make me beautiful,
and intelligent too,
get rid of those ugly hereditary genes,
make me one of a kind,
with a doctored up mind.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 18 comments.
Raytheraym PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 1 2011 at 12:59 am
Thanks! :)
IAmWhoIWantToBe PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 1 2011 at 12:52 am
But too bad, I still can't be perfect :((( Good job on this!
Raytheraym PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 12 2011 at 1:07 pm
Thank you!. And sure, I'll check yours out.
SecretFlame PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 11 2011 at 9:59 pm
Nice job! This poem is funny and striking at the same time. Keep writing. I want to read more of your work. If you could help me out and post some comments on my poem "Destinies Entwined" that would be great! I could really use the feedback. I'm pretty new at writing and this site. ANY tips would be wonderful!
Raytheraym PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 6 2011 at 6:34 pm
Thanks! A lot of people that have read it said that it reminded them of "The Uglies". But, I haven't read them. I was kind of thinking of "Maximum Ride" when I wrote it.
Raytheraym PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 4 2011 at 10:43 am
Thanks! :)
redhairCat PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 3 2011 at 8:37 pm
I really like it!
Raytheraym PLATINUM said...
on May. 29 2011 at 4:16 pm
Thank you very much!
yellowflower SILVER said...
on May. 29 2011 at 1:26 pm
*keep writing!
yellowflower SILVER said...
on May. 29 2011 at 1:25 pm
Wow i love the symbolism and the way the words rhyme occasionally but do not overpower the poem! Really good! keeping writing!
Raytheraym PLATINUM said...
on May. 29 2011 at 11:19 am
Thanks! I really like it as is, though. But, thanks. :)
This is pretty cool. My only suggestion is consider a different way of saying "doctored-up mind." The doctor/medical connotation is valuable here as it fits the theme, but I personally felt a sense of dissapointment at the last line. I was expecting something with bit more edge. You could even add a line between "make me one of a kind" and "with a doctored up mind" while retaining the important rhyme. I suggest this because you might be able to set up that final line for an even heavier hit.
Raytheraym PLATINUM said...
on May. 23 2011 at 3:42 pm
Thanks! :)
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