I Thought | Teen Ink
  1. Home
  2. Poetry
  3. Free Verse
  4. I Thought

I Thought

June 5, 2011
By Branden Navedo SILVER, Oklahoma, Maryland
More by this author
Branden Navedo SILVER, Oklahoma, Maryland
5 articles 0 photos 17 comments
View profile

I thought I saw a star
At the corner of my eye.
Twinkling! Or was she crying?
But at that corner lied
A little Lightning-bug.

I thought I heard the angels,
But my heart had blocked the tune;
Then right I looked, and realized,
That you were in the room.
Humming to yourself.

I thought I felt your essence;
I thought I saw you, at the corner of my eye
I thought I heard your voice,
But that was all a lie –
It was all a dream.

Post a comment
Submit your own

Similar Articles

Previous Next
Poetry
Brother
By Anonymous
Poetry
Love Is Weird
By sHaDoWnInJa PLATINUM
West Jordan, Utah
sHaDoWnInJa PLATINUM, West Jordan, Utah
31 articles 0 photos 3 comments
View profile
Poetry
Different
By sHaDoWnInJa PLATINUM
West Jordan, Utah
sHaDoWnInJa PLATINUM, West Jordan, Utah
31 articles 0 photos 3 comments
View profile
Poetry
Motley Crue: I really hear you
By Arbys GOLD
Dobbs Ferry, New York
Arbys GOLD, Dobbs Ferry, New York
15 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.&quot;Edgar Allan Poe<br /> &quot;A dream doesn&#039;t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work. ~Colin Powell&quot; ~ Colin Powell<br /> &quot;Wisdom is not finally tested in the schools, Wisdom <br /> &quot;A poem is never finished, only abandoned.&quot;-Paul Valery

View profile
Poetry
Unreach Love
By C.J.H. BRONZE
Benciao City, Taipei County, Other
C.J.H. BRONZE, Benciao City, Taipei County, Other
4 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Sometimes the world tries ot knock it out of you. But I believe in music the way that some people believe in fairy tales.&quot; August Rush(2007)

View profile
Poetry
Nothing good comes from Pyromania
By Nelle PLATINUM
Crewkerne, Other
Nelle PLATINUM, Crewkerne, Other
21 articles 10 photos 49 comments
View profile

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 4 comments.

asofnow GOLD said...
on Mar. 19 2013 at 12:26 am
asofnow GOLD, Troy, Michigan
18 articles 0 photos 208 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing gold can stay ~ Robert Frost

View profile
Aw, so short and sweet and simple as well! Good job. that's what i like bout most poetry. Short, Sweet, Simple: the 3 S's there are exceptions always thou. I liked it. 
Eirias SILVER said...
on Jul. 26 2012 at 7:05 am
Eirias SILVER, Spring, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 70 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If you wish to be a writer, write&quot; -Epictetus

View profile
Sorry . . . I still like this a lot (it is the only piece I've seen taht I've given 2 five's to) but I'm not sure if it's really the best out there . . . If I'm only going to put one piece on my favorites, It's going to have to be head and shoulders above the rest. This is just a head taller.
Eirias SILVER said...
on Jul. 23 2012 at 5:41 am
Eirias SILVER, Spring, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 70 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If you wish to be a writer, write&quot; -Epictetus

View profile

This is amazing! I REALLY must be in a good mood today . . . As of yet, I haven't favorited anything, even if I like it a lot (which is pretty rare). I am sorely tempted to favorite this, but I will wait until another day, just to make sure it isn't just because I'm in an extraordinarily receptive mood right now.

So: a few critiques--

stanza 1 line 4: I don't like "lied." Perhaps "sat" or "buzzed" or something?

stanza 2 line 3: I don't like "right" because it could mean a direction, or "correctly" and either would fit, so it is not clear which one you mean. In line 4, I would change the period to a colon or dash.

And in the last line, I would take out "It was all." My personal suggestion would be to change it to "a dreamlike fantasy," but that might be a little too specific for you.

Great Job!

thetruthawaits94 SILVER said...
on Jul. 28 2011 at 7:17 pm
thetruthawaits94 SILVER, Duncan, Oklahoma
9 articles 0 photos 351 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.

View profile
I wish i knew exactly what this poem was about, but that is the writer's perspective I guess. you have a thing for stars, don't you? :) i noticed that in a lot of your poems you use the stars as metaphor or something like that! This is very... hmmm... how should I say this... poetic? It's great poetry though! :)