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I Thought
I thought I saw a star
At the corner of my eye.
Twinkling! Or was she crying?
But at that corner lied
A little Lightning-bug.
I thought I heard the angels,
But my heart had blocked the tune;
Then right I looked, and realized,
That you were in the room.
Humming to yourself.
I thought I felt your essence;
I thought I saw you, at the corner of my eye
I thought I heard your voice,
But that was all a lie –
It was all a dream.
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This article has 4 comments.
This is amazing! I REALLY must be in a good mood today . . . As of yet, I haven't favorited anything, even if I like it a lot (which is pretty rare). I am sorely tempted to favorite this, but I will wait until another day, just to make sure it isn't just because I'm in an extraordinarily receptive mood right now.
So: a few critiques--
stanza 1 line 4: I don't like "lied." Perhaps "sat" or "buzzed" or something?
stanza 2 line 3: I don't like "right" because it could mean a direction, or "correctly" and either would fit, so it is not clear which one you mean. In line 4, I would change the period to a colon or dash.
And in the last line, I would take out "It was all." My personal suggestion would be to change it to "a dreamlike fantasy," but that might be a little too specific for you.
Great Job!
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Favorite Quote:
Nothing gold can stay ~ Robert Frost