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In My Mind
August 2, 2011
I hold my palms up to my ears,
and it feels as if I am dying.
All I hear is the roaring in my mind,
the waves of thoughts crashing against my skull.
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This article has 7 comments.
leafy said...
on Aug. 13 2011 at 7:20 pm
i like this, not only is it short but sweet, but because i can connect with the feeling. although i have to agree, the rhythm is lost in the last line. keep up the good work!
Raytheraym PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 4 2011 at 11:26 pm
Thank you for the advice!
BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 4 2011 at 10:31 pm
I can't begin to count how many times I've felt like that! I love it!
There are some things I think could be improved. First, like sowhat said, I think the rythm is sort of lost with that last line. Maybe it could be something like "and waves crashing against my skull". And secondly I think the "I am" in the second line should be an "I'm". I'm not sure why, but it just sounds better to me.
Raytheraym PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 4 2011 at 12:33 pm
Thank you both!
JTboiiDrama PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 4 2011 at 10:37 am
I love this it is short and sweet and to the point. great!!
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