Daddy's Womb | Teen Ink

Daddy's Womb MAG

April 23, 2008
By Anonymous

i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.



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This article has 2183 comments.


on Aug. 30 2010 at 11:17 am
spiritualrevelationrevealspainandrevolution PLATINUM, Eugene, Oregon
23 articles 0 photos 212 comments
really nice poem but the sturdy-birdie rhyme is kinda weak, whats the chain part about? please ansaw!!!!!!!

Shahed GOLD said...
on Aug. 27 2010 at 9:07 pm
Shahed GOLD, Tulsa, Oklahoma
16 articles 2 photos 350 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;People are like tea bags, they don&#039;t realize their own strength until they&#039;re dropped in hot water &quot;<br /> &ldquo;People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.<br /> If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.&quot;

This is pretty cool! there's a reason why it has so many comments :)

 

CHECK OUT MY WORK! :d


on Aug. 27 2010 at 1:24 pm
simplieme SILVER, Chesapeake, Virginia
7 articles 0 photos 10 comments
Good job! I love the idea I would try to expand it even more

money man said...
on Aug. 27 2010 at 10:57 am

that was a good poem it was a strong poem for wat it was like for me

 


on Aug. 26 2010 at 5:42 pm
CocoBelle BRONZE, New Orleans, Louisiana
3 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
your biggest mistake is to be afraid of making mistakes!

This excellent.,poetry can mean many things and this meant to me that you could do anything with a little help!

blondie13 GOLD said...
on Aug. 25 2010 at 7:39 pm
blondie13 GOLD, Ewa Beach, Hawaii
11 articles 0 photos 3 comments
This is a super powerful poem, and it is very true the message i am receiving.

on Aug. 24 2010 at 11:48 pm
bmkxolove BRONZE, Towson, Maryland
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Hi it&#039;s Liz&quot;

I think that this piece is strong, and that the rhyme seems forced in a few lines, but it flows well. I don't understand why the "I"s aren't capitalized, if it's for effect of the poem then I don't like it, and if it's just laziness then you really look juvenille. It's decent.

Tig-R GOLD said...
on Aug. 24 2010 at 9:55 pm
Tig-R GOLD, Saint Charles, Missouri
15 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
people say hate is a strong word, but they don&#039;t realize that so is love, and people throw it around like it&#039;s nothing

I feel a connection between me and the poem and even though you didn't use many descriptive details, the way u worded it was so...creative and mezmerizing. This is a great poem and i wish i could write such a thing

on Aug. 24 2010 at 7:27 pm
softballbby BRONZE, Berea, Kentucky
2 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;sometimes things fall apart so better things can fall together&quot;

wow i feel so terrible for this but i dont really like it. i got bored. sorry

on Aug. 23 2010 at 11:45 am
Blue4indigo PLATINUM, Sturbridge, Connecticut
24 articles 0 photos 382 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&#039;d rather be sorry for something that I did than for something I didn&#039;t do.<br /> -Red Scott

Amazing and uniqe, I like the flow of the poem.

By the way, would you look at some of my stories, rate, and critisize? Thanks.


=)=)=)=) said...
on Aug. 19 2010 at 11:14 am
i love how many of the capitilized letters are "Father" or "Him," which adds a nice emphasis to the main idea of the writing...a very creative and clever idea, nice job! :D

on Aug. 18 2010 at 7:59 pm
Escapethefate GOLD, GT, Maryland
12 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don&#039;t regret life,<br /> Live life.

Awesome, this is totally cool. I love it! You're really good!

on Aug. 18 2010 at 11:14 am
Meghan Hammond BRONZE, Winchester, Virginia
4 articles 11 photos 6 comments
i really loved it!!

Austy BRONZE said...
on Aug. 18 2010 at 12:09 am
Austy BRONZE, New Rockford, North Dakota
4 articles 2 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
Professionals built the Titanic, but amateurs built the ark.<br /> Live life like there is no tomorrow

I liked the slow flow of it to the subtle ending

on Aug. 17 2010 at 8:16 pm
BlindSamurai GOLD, Bridgewater, New Jersey
11 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
A man who stands for nothing will fall for anything.<br /> -Malcolm X

Very interesting flow to the poem, and wonderfully written. Good job!

apurvap94 said...
on Aug. 14 2010 at 8:24 pm
apurvap94, New City, New York
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments
This has simple elegance! It's fantastic. Continue writing!

on Aug. 13 2010 at 9:11 pm
CarrieAnne11 GOLD, Potsdam, New York
11 articles 0 photos 22 comments
I love this poem, it flows so well and it is beautiful!! For some reason, I imagining the father being God... and the son being Jesus, or a person... anywhos, great job!!

Gina said...
on Aug. 13 2010 at 4:56 pm
That's the point. lol. It puts a creative twist on the title. :) Love it, by the way!

on Aug. 13 2010 at 3:38 pm
ListenToTheNonsense320 PLATINUM, Hallandale Beach, Florida
44 articles 4 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.&quot; -Beatrice Evelyn Hall.<br /> &quot;Stones are raw, they blunt my paw, but words will never hurt me.&quot; (The Sight, David Clement-Davies) And many more...

I suppose I don't need to tell you what everyone else already has, but I truly loved your poem. It felt like it was spoken from the heart and I can relate greatly with your poem.

on Aug. 11 2010 at 6:53 am
Limepink93 SILVER, Cary, Illinois
5 articles 1 photo 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
I do not have one yet.

I'm in love with this. I love the way it sounds when I read it aloud. This poem is flawless.