It’s objective and unpredictable
Something unfixable
No rewind or undo or replay
To take back the things from that day
When we both sat on my couch
Intertwined warm
but cold and nervous
Not like we’d ever been nor
Should have been
But we were there in that spot where we’d been before
Together then but more
Conjoined
More one than now
And I can’t help but think how
We got to this point of irrevocable
Irreplaceable
Thick silence and loud
Thoughts into voice
Into choice
Into the forest springing in between
Not accusing or mean
But jutting forth poking each of us.
I still remember how quick your legs were that day
how your tussled hair looked perfectly black in its blondeness
how the fondness
between us evaporated like water
or tears.
All my fears
came true that day
You left and I knew
it would never be the same
No matter how close we had became
To becoming to being to staying
And I kept praying
That it was just a bad dream
But when I woke up with an empty pillow steeped
In salty water
Replete with salty water
Stinging my red eyes
Taunting my weakness
Highlighting the bleakness
I knew.
But it was forgetting my choice
To stay strong
And move on
To remember what was
And not what was not anymore
No matter how deep it tore
It still taught
Me to get through the days that kept getting longer
And each day get that little bit stronger
And become and be and stay
Stronger.