I am numb

I look down
I see thighs a mile wide
I see a criss cross of red, angry cuts
I see them splatter across my arm
I see a halo of red

I look up
I see the God I was taught to believe in
I see the doubt of the questioning
I see the sky, "endless possibilities"
I see the world shrink around me
I see a cage

I look to my right
I see ultra-conservatism
Mother, Father, Brother
I see the double standards
I see the deceit
I see "was she worth it"

I look to my left
I see boys, parties, drinks
I see the life I weave to fill the void
I see my everything fall around me

I look straight ahead
I see my face
I see words scrawled on face
I see someone trying to scrub them off
I see the black ink doesn't fade
I see it get angrier with every futile scrub


They see, the words that define me