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I Was a Supernova

April 17, 2012
By Gypsyroses SILVER, Lower Merion, Pennsylvania
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Gypsyroses SILVER, Lower Merion, Pennsylvania
7 articles 2 photos 17 comments
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These are the girls I want to be
These are the girls I am not.
I want to be
I am not
pounds in brain
It hurts
It hurts
If I am not worthless
why dose it feel like
like
like the world just doesn’t want me
If I am ok
why dose it feel like I’m carrying the weight
the crushing breaking hurting weight
of everything
everything
I wish I was
I was not
It feels like
like
like I was just a star a star so far far away
light years
that my glimmer has gone out
a long time ago
but
no one got around to noticing
please
please
please
I need you to notice.

© Mariam S., Schaumburg, IL

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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 9 comments.

TheWeirdPoet SILVER said...
on May. 10 2012 at 9:59 pm
TheWeirdPoet SILVER, LExington, Kentucky
5 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
I think people forget that humans are animals too.

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You did a very well job keeping the emotion going. It seems to be a very personal poem which i'm guessing is why you were able to so accurately present the emotion and attitude a person would have in such conflict. Bravo 
Gypsyroses SILVER said...
on May. 10 2012 at 3:45 pm
Gypsyroses SILVER, Lower Merion, Pennsylvania
7 articles 2 photos 17 comments
View profile
thank you! Thats what I was going for.
Gypsyroses SILVER said...
on May. 10 2012 at 3:45 pm
Gypsyroses SILVER, Lower Merion, Pennsylvania
7 articles 2 photos 17 comments
View profile
thank you! Thats what I was going for.
butterfly123 said...
on May. 10 2012 at 5:14 am
butterfly123, Banglore, Other
0 articles 0 photos 408 comments
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hey! nice one! i like the whole idea , theme and flow of the poem. i did get a little confused though....but judging from the other comments...that's probably just me :P. great work and keep writing :D
AgentOrange789 GOLD said...
on May. 9 2012 at 9:14 pm
AgentOrange789 GOLD, Friendswood, Texas
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I actually like that repetition a lot, I think it adds a sort of realism, in that it reflects how we really talk when we're trying to put a finger on our emotions.  Very nice job!
Virtue19 GOLD said...
on May. 9 2012 at 3:42 pm
Virtue19 GOLD, Jamaica, New York
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This poem was beautiful! I love the emotion that flowed through the poem. It was a bit confusing, though. Maybe, you can divide your poem into stanzas and get rid of some of the repeated words. Other than that, the poem as a whole is amazing! I loved it! Great job!=)
Behind_a_Plastic_Smile GOLD said...
on May. 7 2012 at 6:20 pm
Behind_a_Plastic_Smile GOLD, Roseville, California
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&quot;if you&#039;re not 1st you&#039;re last&quot;

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wow wat a created and well written format it make the whole flow forward that takes some serious skill
xMusicallyAd3ptx BRONZE said...
on May. 5 2012 at 10:41 am
xMusicallyAd3ptx BRONZE, Geneva, Illinois
1 article 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;A great value of antiquity lies in the fact that its writings are the only ones that modern men still read with exactness.&quot; -Friedrich Nietzsche

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Here you go!:

I like the message this carries. I also like how it reads like song lyrics! The only thing that needs work is some grammar, and a few confusing lines. Try to maintain a consistent voice and flow.

Kailey.Nicole GOLD said...
on May. 5 2012 at 10:01 am
Kailey.Nicole GOLD, Bethlehem, Georgia
14 articles 1 photo 9 comments

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I love how youe poems don't rhyme but they still have rhythm and flow . It was a beautiful poem , Great job !!