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I Was a Supernova

April 17, 2012
By Gypsyroses SILVER, Lower Merion, Pennsylvania
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Gypsyroses SILVER, Lower Merion, Pennsylvania
7 articles 2 photos 17 comments
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These are the girls I want to be
These are the girls I am not.
I want to be
I am not
pounds in brain
It hurts
It hurts
If I am not worthless
why dose it feel like
like
like the world just doesn’t want me
If I am ok
why dose it feel like I’m carrying the weight
the crushing breaking hurting weight
of everything
everything
I wish I was
I was not
It feels like
like
like I was just a star a star so far far away
light years
that my glimmer has gone out
a long time ago
but
no one got around to noticing
please
please
please
I need you to notice.

© Mariam S., Schaumburg, IL

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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 9 comments.

TheWeirdPoet SILVER said...
on May. 10 2012 at 9:59 pm
TheWeirdPoet SILVER, LExington, Kentucky
5 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
I think people forget that humans are animals too.

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You did a very well job keeping the emotion going. It seems to be a very personal poem which i'm guessing is why you were able to so accurately present the emotion and attitude a person would have in such conflict. Bravo 
Gypsyroses SILVER said...
on May. 10 2012 at 3:45 pm
Gypsyroses SILVER, Lower Merion, Pennsylvania
7 articles 2 photos 17 comments
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thank you! Thats what I was going for.
Gypsyroses SILVER said...
on May. 10 2012 at 3:45 pm
Gypsyroses SILVER, Lower Merion, Pennsylvania
7 articles 2 photos 17 comments
View profile
thank you! Thats what I was going for.
butterfly123 said...
on May. 10 2012 at 5:14 am
butterfly123, Banglore, Other
0 articles 0 photos 408 comments
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hey! nice one! i like the whole idea , theme and flow of the poem. i did get a little confused though....but judging from the other comments...that's probably just me :P. great work and keep writing :D
AgentOrange789 GOLD said...
on May. 9 2012 at 9:14 pm
AgentOrange789 GOLD, Friendswood, Texas
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&quot;It&#039;s a saying they have, that a man has a false heart in his mouth for the world to see, another in his breast to show to his special friends and his family, and the real one, the true one, the secret one, which is never known to anyone except to himself alone, hidden only God knows where.&quot;<br /> -James Clavell, &quot;Shogun&quot;

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I actually like that repetition a lot, I think it adds a sort of realism, in that it reflects how we really talk when we're trying to put a finger on our emotions.  Very nice job!
Virtue19 GOLD said...
on May. 9 2012 at 3:42 pm
Virtue19 GOLD, Jamaica, New York
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This poem was beautiful! I love the emotion that flowed through the poem. It was a bit confusing, though. Maybe, you can divide your poem into stanzas and get rid of some of the repeated words. Other than that, the poem as a whole is amazing! I loved it! Great job!=)
Behind_a_Plastic_Smile GOLD said...
on May. 7 2012 at 6:20 pm
Behind_a_Plastic_Smile GOLD, Roseville, California
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&quot;if you&#039;re not 1st you&#039;re last&quot;

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wow wat a created and well written format it make the whole flow forward that takes some serious skill
xMusicallyAd3ptx BRONZE said...
on May. 5 2012 at 10:41 am
xMusicallyAd3ptx BRONZE, Geneva, Illinois
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&quot;A great value of antiquity lies in the fact that its writings are the only ones that modern men still read with exactness.&quot; -Friedrich Nietzsche

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Here you go!:

I like the message this carries. I also like how it reads like song lyrics! The only thing that needs work is some grammar, and a few confusing lines. Try to maintain a consistent voice and flow.

Kailey.Nicole GOLD said...
on May. 5 2012 at 10:01 am
Kailey.Nicole GOLD, Bethlehem, Georgia
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I love how youe poems don't rhyme but they still have rhythm and flow . It was a beautiful poem , Great job !!