Her mother has her ways of thinking. She said she only did it for one reason. That she did not have any other choice. How does a mother say that to her own child? A mother gives birth to her child goes through all that pain and just leaves her. Her feelings seem to leave her feeling abandoned. How could her own mother just cease to exist?
She tries to replace her, with another mom or maybe a boyfriend. Some people say love does not exist. Then what is the attraction between parents and their children; the need to protect and the need to keep them safe. It is called love.
Five years without the one person you bond with; the one that does your hair when you are a kid, and when a bad day comes along she is there to pull you close. She did this all on her own; she had no one there to console her. Now she looks at her life and thinks how diverse things could be, but instead of blaming her mother, she blames herself. No one comprehends why she is the way she is. Why she does not want to move to fast, or why she leaves a relationship before she can fall in love. She sees it is the trust issue she has been wounded and undeniably misunderstood. She wants someone there, but she does not want to take the chance of getting damaged again.
She is still too scared to let people enclose her. With all of her heart she wants to, but she cannot seem to get that terrified feeling to vanish. She wants someone to understand her. To just see her from the inside and not the out, but she does not know how to let them know how she really feels. Now everything is on her shoulders, the reality that her own mother does not even know her. Then the actuality that her boyfriend she uncontrollably loves does not understand her; but as the smile fades away she is left with a misunderstood tear stained face.