i’m breathing you in but i’m choking
train horns signal the sound of defeat
traversing across countries and the country side
chugga-chugga choo-choo never really knowing

i know i’m not dying
the sun plays on my face
warm and lustful and kindly dancing rays
soak them in
breathe them out
now how can this be dying

ocean waves, they spurt and spray
salty air cold in my lungs
it sharpens everything
cold grey sky, ocean mist on skin
have i forgotten how long it’s been?
what a day to die

you’re like an autumn leaf as it falls
worth every shake and rustle
the ground absorbs you, takes you in
you are my nutrients where have you been
i need you like the fox needs the rabbit who needs the berries who need the fallen leaves
is that what you are? leaving?
disappearing on a lost and long forgotten trains
it’s horn signalling the sound of your defeat
of mine
ours

i never got the chance to tell you
i love you more than crisp winter air
and hot coffee in the morning
warm breath in billowing clouds
snow dusted landscapes and dead frozen trees
of melted gushing rivers and the green things of spring
of songbirds perched atop branches, singing the songs they bring
of cold turned to warm
of death brought back to life
more than flowers and the buds of green leaves
more than the sun’s light rays that warm me
more than a jump into cold water on a hot summer’s day
more than a cube of watermelon and the lemonade your mom made
more than burgers and fries
more than the birds and the flies
more than dogs barking at night
more than the cool ground in the morning
more than the slow ending weeks of a northwestern summer
more than the rustling of leaves in the lukewarm fall wind
more than the sound of them crunching underfoot
more than the first snowfall of winter
more than crisp winter air and hot coffee in the morning

the seasons, they describe you
how could they not?
lust and love and hollowed out hearts
just like the changing of scenery that surrounds us
we change and fall and die and are born again and thrive
breathing in and out but i’m choking
train horns signalling the sound of defeat
of us, our lives, our love we lost
stolen from our grasps

the ocean on a summer’s day
now that’s truly golden
ocean waves and ocean spray
the white caps ever folding

choking but i’m here to stay
even if you’ve gone
just remember what I’ve never said
how sorrowful, the sound of trains
never really knowing