My Siren | Teen Ink

My Siren

October 29, 2012
By Anonymous

Her face, beautiful
Though covered by a misty mask
Her voice, enchanting
Singing high and singing soft
As I’m tied to the mast of this lonely boat
By ropes of hesitancy.

The sea sprays me
Soaking through my clothes
Making me a rag in a bucket
And the waves bounce my heart like a rubber ball
Almost brutal in their attempts to capsize
This vessel

This storm for which I venture
Is perilous to sail through.
But I shall survive its wake.

But I crashed upon rocks made of broken dreams
Sending me afloat into an ocean of despair
I listened for her voice to come through the dark waters
I swam, and I swam towards her glorious chorus

But only to find her existence bogus


The author's comments:
I hope people read this and feel the same. When that perfect girl slips away.

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This article has 4 comments.


on Nov. 28 2012 at 2:33 pm
OneEye21 SILVER, Oshkosh, Wisconsin
6 articles 3 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
I will love you no matter what you do or say. I could die anytime, not tomorrow but today.

This is a style of writing that is actually very hard to have flow smoothly. You did very well at using word choice and metaphors to intrigue the reader all the way to the end.

on Nov. 12 2012 at 5:17 pm
sweetangel4life GOLD, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
19 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet". Romeo and Juliet ( Quote Act II, Sc. II).

"Let them eat cake."
Marie Antoinette

this is realy good keep writing! i realy like the surprise ending and the way you sewed your words together into a lovely poem.  make sure you check out my song "I'll come to a New World". :)

lovelife said...
on Nov. 12 2012 at 11:58 am
It wasn't powerful enough, nor was it tangible. It needs a lot of work. Your words didn't flow. Sorry, I didn't feel it. Throw in some more concrete imagery, allow us as the reader to visualize EVERYTHING you're feeling stemming from your loss or this girl walking out on you, make us crumple to the ground in sorrow or painstakingly swallow back that lump in our throats reflecting on losses we as the reader have endured. Make it "relatable."

on Nov. 12 2012 at 2:45 am
OnesHiddenTalent SILVER, San Tan Valley, Arizona
7 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
Impossible is not a word, it's just a reason for someone not to try.

Life's not about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit but keep moving.

When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and leave life wondering how you did it.

There's really nothing I can say other than this is one of the BEST poems I've read on this site. Fantastic job!