I have no friends,
I search the Earth from both ends.
There must someone out there for me,
But last time I tried I got a knife to the knee.
long story short, this is the report,
You are not good enough for me.

I sit here all alone in my room,
I’m so lonely I make conversation with my broom.
Once someone approached me but he looked funny,
I turned him away and for his time I gave him some money.
Showing my empathy was a fail,
the way I gave him money was throwing quarters, or making it hail.

Friends are an impossible thing,
One time this man was bothering me.
I threw a bee hive at him and he may have got a sting
I smiled with glee, I do love an angry bee.
After he escape the angry bee mob,
I lit his name tag on fire that read “Bob”.

A friend must be kind,
and must get you out of a bind,
They must be nice, and slightly ugly,
and dumb so when he screws up I can smile smugly
I need someone I can use as a pawn,
When I'm in trouble I need someone to blame it on.

I have no friends
I know that having friends also requires on my part,
but I have no time because I must work on my art.
I wish I had friend,
I wish I had a friend before my short life would end.